Zzzzzzzzz

It's 4 a.m. and you've only read twenty pages on the reading list for a final exam in the morning.

Go to sleep anyway, according to a Cornell sleep researcher.

"Don't-ever stay up all night," counselled Janet Snoyer to an audience of red-eyed Big Red students last week. The Cornell Daily Sun reported that Snoyer suggested serious snoozing for snore-short students.

Snoyer said sleep deprivation can decrease recall, objectivity, and memory consolidation, although there are no harmful long-term effects of sleep loss.

Stimulants such as caffeine, Snoyer said, relieve physical fatigue faster than mental fatigue. She said that exercise is a more effective stimulant.

Snoyer also suggested that students should "do your active tasks when you're the most tired and your most passive tasks when you're mos awake." SWARTHMORE

Pumpkin Bandits Apprehended

Jack-o-lanterns are frowning in terror on the otherwise peaceful campus of Swarthmore College.

After unidentified thieves successfully purloined two 150-pound pumpkins in pre-Halloween hijinks, two less clever copycat culprits continued the fruit terrorism.

These would-be plunderers attempted to steal only one oversized pumpkin, but their efforts were fruitless. Dining hall sleuths tracked the piefilling pilferers, who were apprehended by Swarthmore security.

The pumpkin snatcher was without conscience, said Janet Dickerson, dean of students. "He acknowledged it without any shame or trepidation," she said. "He was very courageous."

Swarthmore officials refused to release the name of the offender. They asserted, however, that he will receive just and speedy punishment. "We have a very creative judicial committee here," Dickerson said.

The culprit has not yet explained his motives. College officials, however, have several hypotheses. "It was a wonderful, big pumpkin, and a challenge. Swarthmore students are always up for a challenge," Dickerson said, adding, "he hasn't given me any real insight into whether he needed the pumpkin or if he wanted to make a pie."

"It was approaching Halloween night and we gathered that he and his friends wanted to have in their possession a 150-pound pumpkin," speculated Alan Roth, director of security and safety services.