"Sir," said their spokesman, "we have a terrible calamity to relate to you. The four of us spent the last week in a special organic chemistry research center out of town, studying day and night for your course. Our labors were enhanced, of course, by the unique organic chemistry resources the center features, which offered us a rare and enriching supplementary perspective to the stimulating coursework you had to offer.

"But on the day we left the center to return for our exam, our car ran over an enormous nail on the highway, which ripped right through one of the tires. There was no spare in the car, and no repairman was available until the next day. We were in a remote area, and there was no other choice for us but to spend the night in a nearby motel. Only today was the tire repaired, and so we are a day late for your final.."

The spokesman shook her head. "Here are the rent-a-car and hotel receipts, to prove the truth of our story," she added sadly.

The chemistry professor smiled. "Why should I doubt your story?" he said. "Come with me, and I'll give you the exam right now."

The four roommates exchanged glances of triumph and followed the professor into a nearby classroom. The professor showed them each to a seat in a different corner of the room.

"Now," he said. "Because you are obviously taking the exam under unusually stressful circumstances, I will be giving you only one question to answer--that ought to suffice." He took out four pieces of paper and scribbled something on each one. The roommates smiled happily at each other as the professor walked from corner to corner, distributing the papers face down.

"All right," he said at last. "You may start the exam." The four roommates turned over the pages. Each one bore the same two words: "WHICH TIRE?"

***

A student in a European history course stopped going to class after the first lecture, never attended section, and never so much as skimmed through any of the 14 required textbooks. On the day of the final, he walked into the exam room, realized that the ensuing three hours were bound to be little more than a wretched farce, and decided to adopt the noblest course of action he could.

Bravely, he marched up to the proctor, cleared his throat, and said, "I am woefully under prepared for this exam. It will be an insult for me, you, and my professor for me to take this test. Please mark me down for an F and I will not subject myself to this painful travesty."

The proctor told the student not to despair--the professor had left specific instructions that any member of the class who felt incompetent to take the exam should go right away to his office. So the student left the room and walked over to Robinson Hall. The professor greeted him warmly and bid him sit down. "What seems to be the problem," he asked in a kind voice.

"I'm afraid, sir, I'm just not prepared for your exam today," said the student.

"Well, now," said the professor. "I know a lot of bright history students who just have a mental block against writing blue-book essays in a high-pressure exam situation. Suppose you sit right there and I'll give you an oral exam instead--we'll just have a relaxed conversation about the course."

The student nodded. "Now, then," began the professor. "What would you say were the leading economic factors in Germany and Italy at the turn of the 18th century?"

The student could only shrug. "Not to worry, not to worry," said the professor. "Plenty of my sharpest students just don't have a mind for economics. Suppose I ask you this How do you think the moral precepts of the Jacobeans influenced foreign policy in England?"