Chernenko: These Americans are crazy! What is this new ideology they call "goodness knows what"? They are always trying to come up with some new political gizmo--luckily for us, we always have old Karl and Vladimir llyich to turn to, Oh well...

Cherbrikov: Comrade, don't fall asleep yet; there is more. Bok also said, "May I also say that all American universities subscribe to the tenets of academic freedom, which clearly embody the right of all professors to entertain any political views they choose so long as they carry out their duties without being subject to interference or prejudice on the part of the institution that hires them."

Chernenko: That Bok! That is the kind of capitalist reasonableness that will delay the Revolution in that country for an epoch. So what did Buckley then write?

Chebrikov: Well that clumsy fool took the bait, and he started an anti-Bok campaign, blasting the president for allowing, nay, even rejoicing in the fact that this man Womack was on the Harvard faculty. Buckley took that liberal goo-goo and his fuddy-duddy academic freedom to task, but as he is so accustomed to do he went too far.

"There is no such thing as a Nazi who is also qualified to teach in a community of scholars. Nor is there such a thing as a communist qualified to teach in a community of scholars," Buckley wrote. "The only thing more anaesthetizing to moral sensibilities than to have a communist on a faculty of a college is to have as its president someone who can not penetrate that distinction."

Chernenko: Oh Chebbie, we should sign that man up for Kremlin speech-writing; he has such a catchy turn of the phrase. But what a dumkopf! Doesn't Buckley know that that kind of posturing only caters to the peaceniks and the detentists? I can already hear the shrieking in the halls of Harvard, about blacklisting and freedom of speech and all that other liberal clap-trap.

Chebrikov: Oh yes I know sir, the liberal press will be able to use this, just as it was able to use Reagan's "evil empire" speech to foment unease among the moderates and people who want to talk with us. Did you notice, something may even be wrong with Reagan?

Chernenko: What do you mean, Viktor?

Chebrikov: Well, I stress I am now only speculating, but we think the American CIA has now started to suspect our disinformation techniques, and they are responding tit for tat. Did you hear what Reagan said "off the record" before his radio broadcast on Saturday: "My fellow Americans. I am pleased to announce I just signed legislation banning Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." Can you imagine the field day the arms controllers are going to have. We could well have to go back to Geneva!

Chernenko: Well, it looks like you guys have really screwed this one up. What are you going to do about it, or did I hear you say you like Siberia in the summertime?

Chebrikov: No, nothing of the sort! We are going to have to live with Womack for a while: he is scheduled to remain chairman of Harvard's History department for one more year. Our only danger is that our chief moles at Harvard, the Republican Club, will froth like they did last year when they attacked Womack and that wimpy liberal Stanley Hoffman as an example of Harvard's purportedly leftist faculty. That would undoubtedly whip up more liberal sentiment, the kind of goo-goo feeling I don't like to deal with.

Chernenko: Me neither, but, I repeat, what are we going to do about it?

Cherbrikov: Well, if we can't neutralize Womack, then I suggest much more drastic action. We must get that guy, that Polish history teacher...what is his name, oh yes, Pipes, back to Washington as soon as possible. That is our only hope. Otherwise the Revolution is lost in Cambridge. I'll get my boys on it right away.