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The Year of the Wrap

TAURUS AND TEA LEAVES

The following predictions for 1984 were unearthed yesterday between two bricks on the south side of Adams House B entry by workmen scouring away the last marks left by ivy and scaffolds. Pock-marked and grimy, illegible in spots, the text has been reconstructed as follows:

January

January 4--President Bok announces that his decision on a successor to Henry Rosovsky as Dean of the Faculty is imminent. Press releases end with a row of six mysterious hieroglyphics. Two days later, the same characters appear on a large banner hung out the front windows of Mass Hall. Bok, in response to questions, only chuckles, adding, "Secrecy is clarity."

The Kennedy School of Government announces that Jane Byrne, former mayor of Chicago, and Frank Rizzo, former mayor of Philadelphia, will join other experienced politicos as K-School fellows. The news pales, though, beside a vague rumors that another invitation from the K-School has been extended to former Secretary of the Interior James Watt. Upwards of 2000 students demonstrate outside the K-School to protest such an appointment, chanting. "Ho,ho,hi,hi. Watt is not our kind of guy."

January 15--With finals just about to begin, students are intrigued and faintly worried by a peculiar meteorological phenomenon--blue snow. Ranging in shade from deep purple to pale cobalt over the course of six hours, the color seems to be strictly local; it is darkest and heaviest between Mass. Ave. and the river, and peters out as nearby as Allston and Somerville. Nevertheless, fears of some strange chemical reaction brought on by research--perhaps nuclear research in Harvard laboratories--begins to mount.

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January 20--Another anti-Watt demonstration is held, but because of finals the attendance figure sinks to 54. Those who do not show up are hampered by another fall of snow, this one tinted beige with occasional gusts of bright yellow.

February

February 3--With the beginning of classes comes a third Watt demonstration, which finally provokes a reaction from President Bok. His first Open Letter in several months begins, "Unfortunate excrudescences of public opinion occasionally force the modification of publicity procedures, and so it is in this case. By reacting so strongly to a muddled rumor, Harvard's undergraduates have put themselves in danger of severe embarrassment; to avert further awkwardness. I feel duty-bound to release the true information that sparked the incorrect rumors."

"Presumably," the letter concludes, "those demonstrating so insistently against the prospect of admitting James Watt to the K-School as a fellow will contain their emotions upon learning that he is in fact the new Dean of the Faculty."

In an interview, Bok explains that "the Faculty was getting a little set in its ways; sometimes you need to shake things up a little." He adds, "Animosity is complicity."

February 8--Another snowstorm, maroon this time, somewhat forestalls the inevitable wave of criticism. Cambridge Mayor Alfred E. Vellucci pays a visit to Bok to express the city's concern over possible nuclear or chemical research causing the rainbow snows. Bok promises to investigate and appoints Matthew Meselson, professor of Chemistry, famous for coming up with a reason for "Yellow rain," to look into the matter.

February 14--President Reagan goes on national television with a holiday message. After wishing all Americans a Happy Valentine's Day, the President adds that "if people wasted less money giving each other paper ruffles and expensive candy, this hunger business probably wouldn't be so pressing."

February 24--Green snow falls. Meselson promises that if he can't find a way to half the phenomenon, he will direct his efforts toward coordinating it better with the appropriate occasions. "If this were St. Patrick's Day, no one would be worried--you'd think it was cute," he says.

March

The national Presidential campaign is heating up. Taking their cue from Jesse Jackson and Gary Hart, Reubin Askew and John Glenn team up for an evening on national TV, as do Alan Cranston and George McGovern. Askew is the big loser in this strategy, since a hefty proportion of viewers take him as Glenn's running mate.

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