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When Your Best Friend Tells You He's Gay

The Education of a Straight Person

Critics of homosexuality admit it may be as personally fulfilling as heterosexuality. But they claim it is socially undesirable because the gay lifestyle precludes the joy of the family and undermines a social structure based on the family unit. Homosexuality should thus be discouraged lest it entice any honest heterosexuals. There are two problems with this argument. First, if family life really is preferable, most people will choose it. Oppressing someone into an unwanted lifestyle because he will enjoy it more is illogical. Second, many of today's heterosexual couples decide not to have families. Although they are as guilty as gays of threatening the family lifestyle, we do not persecute them.

Homosexuality is not a phase. Many heterosexuals believe that gay people choose their sexual orientation or are simply "going through a phase." This is often used to justify discrimination, hoping it will "bring them around" to heterosexuality. It won't. All the gay people I have questioned on this knew they were gay at quite a young age and expect always to remain so. Though none can say it is biologically determined, they all regard their homosexuality as much more than a state of mind. It is an essential part of them. Clearly, persecuting them will not induce them to change, only cause them to suffer.

Gay people do not place undo emphasis on sex. Homosexuals are differentiated as a group by their sexual habits. Unfortunately, this fosters the impression that they are oversexed or sexually perverted, sado-masochists, or child molesters.

This notion is as unfounded as it is harmful. Gay people have been found statistically less likely to molest children than straight people, and no more violent or unbalanced than anyone else. Nor is sex the focus of most gays' lives. For the ones I know, it has its place among academics, extra-curricular activities and friendships. Once we identify people by their personalities and interests instead of their private lives, we will put this issue in proper perspective.

The gay stereotype is damaging. The greatest shock to my naivete about homosexuality was finding out how common it is. Studies to determine exactly how many people are gay consistently settle around 10 per cent of the population. This means there are 20 to 25 million gay Americans. The 10-per-cent figure at first seemed to me impossible because so few people. I knew fit the image I had of a gay person. I have since realized that the vast majority of gay people do not fit this image. These are the gays we do not perceive. They come from all sectors of society and have absolutely nothing in common except..their sexual preference. Only a small percentage feel comfortable enough to be open about their homosexuality. It is essential to realize how large and various a group these people are, and how many of our friends are among them. Otherwise we will not understand whom our prejudice strikes.

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The religious argument against homosexuality is hypocritical. Among the thousands of rules and laws in the Old Testament is found, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination." (Leviticus 18:22). For some, this statement is sufficient to invoke the moral authority of God against homosexuality But this is clearly a case of selective use of His word. The same book of the Bible also teaches men not to harvest the corners of their fields and not to touch a woman for eight days after she menstruates. Yet we consider these laws "outdated" and ignore them--for good reason. Rules against homosexuality and masturbation also played an important role in preserving the species. But now that we have the opposite population problem, these rules should be considered as obsolete as the others.

The issue of birth control is instructive here. Its practice is also forbidden by a literal interpretation of the Bible, yet we do not persecute those who use it. In fact, many users are the same ones who condemn homosexuality as ungodly. This selective piety is the basest hypocrisy.

Gays are oppressed. The early life of every gay is filled with taunts of "fag" and "queer." These teach him to hate what he is. They make admission of his homosexuality to himself a crushing blow. The gay with enough courage to step out of his closet is also oppressed. He is ostracized by many of his friends, often completely rejected by his friends, often completely rejected by his family, regarded as misguided or demented by the rest of society, harassed, ridiculed, and sometimes even physically attacked. Even if a gay is accepted by his family and friends, he still faces devastating social discrimination. He can legally be excluded from any kind of employment, public or private, barred by labor unions, denied housing, mortgage, credit insurance, even public accomodations. In all 50 states he is deemed unfit to teach school. In each case, he is judged as a worker, tenant or customer not by his credentials for such activities, but by how he conducts his private life.

The situation at Harvard is no better. The motion passed in CHUL this week recommending an official non-discrimination clause in University policy is an important step forward. But we still have far to go. The episode this fall in which the Gay Students Association was denied access to student registration packets dramatized the reality of institutional discrimination.

The administration is not the only problem. Students customarily deface and rip down posters for gay and lesbian events. Last spring they hurled taunts, insults and even food at other students announcing glad Day in the dining halls. One student was even attacked--for no other reason than his homosexuality--while cleaning up after a gay/lesbian dance last April. In a community as educated as ours is, this kind of abuse is hard to understand. For a leading university in the United States and in the world, it is unacceptable. It is time for straight people to realize that we must change. It is we who cause the suffering of gay people. Our attitudes cause guilt, shame, and loneliness, and our actions cause fear and alienation. As the majority, we can change the situation. Publicly, we must support gay rights. Privately, we must realize that we know gay people. Revising our attitudes, even in such small ways as how we refer to gays, will make them feel better about themselves and about us. As such change occurs, not only will the gay people in our midst become unburdened, but the rest of us will freely enjoy the energy and talents of a tremendous group of people.

Nathan S. Szanton '83 lives in South House.

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