Twas three weeks before Christmas, And all through the Yard, Not a student was stirring--Their work was too hard.

Their tickets were bought From the airlines with care, In hopes that trips home Would leave change to spare.

With Bok and the College All in high gear They were scarcely prepared To ooze Christmas cheer.

When out of the Crime There arose a small voice Asking faculty members Their first Christmas choice.

The phone at the Crime Gave a long, deadly pause Suddenly shattered By enormous guffaws.

When what to my wondering Ears should I hear But answers--some funny--And all of them dear.

From the tops of their heads Did they mutter and spout, And erudite words Came tumbling out:

"Now dash it!" "Now darn it!" "You're kidding!" and "Oh!" Or "Frankly, my dear, I really don't know."

Legend has it the elves are working overtime at the North Pole this time of year, but even working round the clock might not be enough to give good little Harvard administrators and faculty members what they are hoping to find under their trees this year.

For example, I. Bernard Cohen, Thomas Professor of the History of Science, wants Santa to bring all the American hostages in Iran home for Christmas. That's a big present, as President Carter well knows.

Mark Goodheart '81, president-elect of the Independent, wants a new house for his weekly, but he added, "I don't think it will fit in Santa's bag." But the "sports-writer"-turned-"executive" said he would settle for a fireplace with a flue that works.

L. Fred Jewett '57, dean of admissions and financial aid, said he would love to have all his admissions folders read for Christmas. He dreams of being able to go to La Scala, the opera house in Milan, for its winter season, however.

A "beautiful cello" as a Christmas present would captivate Raoul Bott, master of Dunster House, who added that "a piano would do, too." On a more mundane level, Bott said neckties or cufflinks didn't sound like a bad idea, since he only has a few of them.

That's not the case with Donald H. Fleming, Trumbull Professor of American History. The intellectual historian's gifts are less thrilling: "I guess I just get nickties," he admitted.

Peter J. Gomes, Plummer Professor of Christian Morals, confided that the one present he could be bribed with is the complete Oxford English Dictionary. He added he had seen it in a bookstore for $404, but for "the best dictionary ever," it's a bargain at the price.