And in the middle of this serene day for most of King Joseph's Court, the Green Meanies came riding in, surrounded by clouds of dust and many foul odors. And The Knight of Delta Pi Epsilon, also called Brooklyn, led the pack, riding up to King Joseph himself. And this bold mass of green bellowed. "Greetings, lusty cuckold. Thou hast the sorriest bunch of knights in all the ivy land. And we, the animals from Hanover who pervert the name of chivalry and take the memory of Arthur in vain, do challenge you to a tournament."

And King Joseph laughed. "Double slot left, split wing trap right. I-36, X-89 on four," Joseph said, for he spoke only a strange tongue that was not known in the land. But he was wise, or so they said.

Irving of Brooklyn turned from the king somewhat baffled and spoke to St. John. And so the challenge was accepted, and the knights went to separate sides of the great field. It was a vast plain with great wooden and stone stands. And all the maidens crowded the seats, while the knights donned their armor.

From one side came King Joseph's knights; from the other, the Green Meanies. And in the middle, when they met, there was great excitement and crashes that sounded like thunder. And from the top-most bench, surrounded by many brutal and ugly Hanover maidens, sat Lady Grizzelda, crying for St. John. And one by one on the field, the knights fell from their horses. The rushes were so great that lances would splinter when they crashed with a shield. And blood streamed from everywhere, as the knights swung their swords with such violence that they cut through the armor clear to the skin.

But soon, there were only two knights still on horses, though bodies lay all around. And St. John glared at Irving, and neither had shield nor lance. But they rushed at each other and swung their swords so hard that they both fell from the horses; and both animals fell dead. But the two knights jumped up, and they delivered such blows to each other that they were soon both covered in blood. And the minstrels of King Joseph's Court played all the while, and the people threw eggs at them. And St. John, almost exhausted from such battle, took one great swing that hit Irving of Brooklyn where the helmet joins his shoulders, and it cut through his neck and sliced his head clean off. And so the battle ended, and the maidens cheered. And Lady Grizzelda ran from her seat, for St. John had freed her. And St. John had regained his honor and the honor of the Court.

And soon, the Kingdom's scribes came to count the bodies so they could record the battle in the histories of the Court. And they counted that King Joseph's men had killed 26,000, while the Green Meanies had killed but 10,000. But in the writing there was a mistake made, so the only record we now have of this great battle is one line: "Harvard 26, Dartmouth 10." And no one is sure what it means. And that is all there is of the story. And if someone tells you more. it is lies.

The Chretien de Troyes Ivy predictions:

YALE at COLUMBIA--New York may well default after this one: Yale, 41-4.

COLGATE at PRINCETON--About as much interest here as watching the ERG machine down at Newell: Princeton, 17-10.

CORNELL at BROWN--Finally, some excitement in Providence; but Saturday night they'll be cooking Bruin stew: Cornell, 27-21.