DARTMOUTH at CORNELL--This one is dead serious; the loser will be just about out of the Ivy picture, the winner in good shape. The Big Green has to be hurting after the physical punishment Harvard dished out last week, so the only way they'll win is to break NCAA rushing leader Joe Holland's legs. Cornell 21, Dartmouth 16.

HOLY CROSS at BROWN--Talk about serious. The Crusaders got destroyed by Brown last year, 44-13. This year, they're not only stomping mad, they're undefeated. Reports of Brown's death were greatly exaggerated, but let's face it--Holy Cross is tough. Holy Cross 28, Brown 20.

YALE at PENN--The Elis have been doing a collective Roger Moret imitiation the last three weeks, and Penn hasn't lost an Ivy game on the Franklin Field turf in two years (does Harvard 20-8) mean anything to you?). But, geez, it wouldn't be any fun to see Yale out of the title picture come November 18. Yale 14, Penn 13.

LAST WEEK: Two right, two wrong, and the Columbia-Yale tie, which I'm pretending doesn't count.

SEASON: 16-11 (.593, which if it were an LSAT score, wouldn't even get me into Klutztown State Law School).

SEASON HARVARD GAMES ONLY: 1-4 (.200, which is what you get for just signing your name at the test).