The Center for Disease Control announces that the swine flu vaccine causes phlebitis and orders former President Richard M. Nixon and evangelist Billy Graham quarantined.

August

Daniel Patrick Moynihan leaves to vacation on the Cape, and the federal government and Harvard University grind to a halt.

In an emergency news conference, Cambridge Mayor Alfred E. Vellucci announces that city police have captured four red ants, each with 13 feet and standing about a yard high, outside Harvard's Bio Labs. Matthew Meselson, professor of Biology, maintains that "This proves recombinant DNA experimentation is perfectly safe. The ants weren't hurting anyone, were they?"

In a report on its affirmative action plan, Harvard says that it will have no spaces for female or minority faculty members until 1984. Reached for comment in Washington, D.C., Attorney General and Supreme Court Justice-designate Griffin Bell says, "You can't say they didn't try."

September

HSA reports it has discovered and confiscated 50 refrigerators in cars parked in the Yard and Quad during freshman week. Alberta Arthurs, dean of freshmen, discovers after an investigation that the refrigerators were all owned by newly arrived first-year students. HSA also returned several T.V.'s, stereos, and leather jackets first thought to be HSA property.

The faculty censures coach Debi Field for refusing to include men on the Radcliffe field hockey team. Explaining the move, Dean Rosovsky says, "We're a co-educational institution, and Debi should remember that."

In an unrelated development, the University offers interest-free loans to Harvard's final clubs because, in the words of Dean Fox, "They're the kind of tradition Harvard can't afford to lose."

The committee searching for a successor to Walter J. Leonard, former assistant to the President, concedes that it has no candidates for Leonard's job. Daniel Steiner '54, general counsel to the University, explains, "We haven't been able to agree on a meeting time yet."

Under pressure from minority groups to appoint someone to replace Leonard, who regulated Harvard's affirmative action plan, President Bok names Daniel Patrick Moynihan to the post, citing his experience in the Ugandan Studies Department.

October

The first performance of the Harvard-Radcliffe Orchestra draws raves, with special praise going to concertmaster Joseph Silverstein, first cellist Mstislav Rostropovich, and conductor Georg Solti. The one undergraduate in HRO, who asked to remain anonymous, said afterwards, "It was a great honor to play on a college orchestra of this quality."

R. Jerrold Gibson '51, under fire for last winter's bursars card fiasco, announces plans to fingerprint every student at Harvard. "The only problem now," Gibson explained, "is to indicate whether a student is on board."

The coins stolen from the Fogg Museum are found in the piggybank of the daughter of Seymour Slive, director of the Fogg. After testifying before a grand jury investigating the theft, Slive tells reporters, "I thought they looked familiar."