The next attraction is a brisk trip to Park Street followed by a roller coaster ride on the green line trolley to Kenmore.

Herein lies the second test. Not all green line trains go to Kenmore. With the use of a map, find the right subway car. Good luck.

Once at the ballpark, one must decide where to sit: a) behind the Red Sox bullpen where one can listen to the pearls of wisdom of the verbose relief staff; b) Over the center field wall in spitting and jeering distance of Fred Lynn; c) behind those three blondes in the tight shirts over in the right field corner.

Essay question (100 pts.): Who's got the beer?

Answer: Don't fool around. Head for the concession stands easily reached from the seats but plan to have a low tolerance. The stuff is expensive and it is not exactly Heineken.

Now, sit back and enjoy the game: Make a dollar bet with that man chomping on a cigar and waving a Yankees pennant. Ask the woman with the transistor radio what the score of the Celtics game is. And do not forget to strain your neck and watch the replay of the big hit, which you missed while soaking in the rays and catching a few Z's, on the all-new scoreboard.

So, see you at the ballpark. If you still feel guilty, you can go through the Monarchs for War and Peace during the seventh inning stretch.