GEORGE ("End the War") McGOVERN, veteran: Has never recovered from the backlash of his $1000 a day salary demand of last season.
TEAM STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES
A young team, perhaps too young. Desperately needs a strong leader or manager. The club's inexperience has shown in some glaring ways this spring. Bayh and Harris have knocked each other out chasing the same fly ball while Bayh and Jackson seem to think balls hit in between them possess cooties. On potential double play balls in the infield, Udall often throws to third and the one time he did get it to second, Shriver, in a fit of pique, threw it back. Finally, pitcher Wallace's predilection for putting members of the opposite team on base could hurt in post-season play.
THE REPUBLICANS
This year playing out of Washington--and California and Kansas City. Season begins almost any day.
GERALD ("Gerry") FORD, center rookie: Only MVP never to have played in majors; when first broke in, had to be cured of habit of stopping line drives with his head; has just recently come to grips with other ways of using it.
HENRY ("Bismarck") KISSINGER, p. veteran: Claims to stand above league affiliations; even refuses to wear a uniform--but they couldn't win without him; out of the Harvard minor league system; confesses to being a loner, "I just don't like people."
RONALD ("The Gipper") REAGAN, r.f. rookie: Turned heads at spring camp when suggested that violators of game's rules should be "taken out and shot"; also recommends drastically raising ticket prices to get rid of bleacher "freeloaders"; won't listen to advice on how to play hitters claiming that such would be an encroachment upon local rights.
SIDELINED
RICHARD ("Tricky") NIXON, veteran: Banned from season play as a result of his placing bugs and other objects in Democrat's playing equipment; was found out when he taped himself to improve his fielding average; explained away unpopularity by citing the support of a 'silent majority', presumably TV fans.
NELSON ("Rocky Baby") ROCKEFELLER, veteran. Stated when promoted to club, "I'm all for the team," only to discover team wasn't for him; was told five times to go play with somebody else; still technically on team but only calls the ball names, won't touch it with bat or glove; teammates call him their pet rock.
TEAM STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES
The numerical disadvantage may be deceiving; the club emulates softball showmen The King and his Court, with the important difference that no one knows who's king. Like the Dems, this team needs a manager. Player-manager Ford has been totally ignored by fans and players alike. Scribes say he may soon be out of a job. Maybe he could go back to football. Reagan plays too far to the right for even a right fielder and Ford copies him, thus the famous Republican Shift. Kissinger's hummer is no longer what it once was, and his refusal to let anyone else play the infield positions has hurt in the past.
Overall, two weak teams; exactly what we say every spring of the Presidential season. But maybe we've got it all wrong. How does 'Fred Lynn for President' sound?