Will we never see you pump the ball again,

Or run into your o-own end zone?

(refrain)

Can Endzone snap out of his 40 per cent completion average blues? Did Teen Angel have a chance when he went back for his girl's high school ring? PRINCETON-BROWN -- I went to school with Princeton's fullback, Romerio Perkins. He used to fumble the way Marv Throneberry dropped pick-off throws to first, Now he plays in the worst Princeton backfield since the days of the Flying Wedge, and on a Princeton team with an excellent chance to lose to Brown for the first time in 18 years. The New York Times won't be double teaming this one. Princeton, 13-10.

COLUMBIA-CORNELL -- Two quarterbacks in New York have bad knees, ugly dimples, and white shoes - Don Jackson and Joe Namath. Two weeks ago, Broadway Joe beat the Baltimore Colts on a last minute bomb and took his private limousine back to his French Roccoco townhouse on Fifth Ave. to play with his electric bowling machine. Then last week, Don lost to Rutgers, 6-3, with a disastrous fumble, and took the subway back to his dingy room on Broadway to study for his organic chemistry midterm. Is there no justice? Cornell, 20-14.

YALE-DARTMOUTH -- Dartmouth coach Jake Crouthamel has been whining all week about tying Harvard, complaining about bad breaks and claiming that Harvard isn't the toughest team Dartmouth will play this year. Hopefully, Yale will prove that he's absolutely right, and Harvard will take sole possession of first place. Yale, 21-19.

HARVARD-PENN -- The only way Harvard could lose to the Quakers is if it pours rain, Crone has a terrible day, and Barry Malinowski covers Penn's Doug Clune one-on-one. Only God and Endzone have any control over the first two possibilities, but Joe Restic has too many nightmares about last year to allow the third possibility. Harvard, 32-16.

NIXON-McGOVERN -- Dick will get caught bugging the men's room of the Washington Post editorial office, the states south of the Mason-Dixon line will sink into the Gulf of Mexico, and George Meany and Mao Tse-tung will co-host a fundraiser to pay McGovern's phone bill, as late returns from an Eskimo tribe in the Aleutian Islands put George over the top, 31,647,233-31,647,232.