Born in South Carolina, Graham quit school at 16 to work in the government and then in the Navy during World War II. He married during his freshman year at American University at the age of 20 and has two children who are now 17 and 15.
"I do think marriage while in college is feasible if finances, health, and academics make it possible. My early marriage has given me a favorable outlook on college marriages," he says.
"I'm sure I've learned a great deal more by being a father and husband that what I learned from books and classes," he adds.
He has taught at American University for ten years, and before that at Columbia College in South Carolina.
"I feel that one of the greatest needs people have is the need to make a decision on ethical questions," Graham says. "We are in a society where old traditional values are seriously questioned but nobody has replaced them with anything else."
"Students at Radcliffe are much more likely to be genuinely questioning things--unlike elsewhere. They are more likely to be raising basic questions in their own minds--it's more exciting to be working and thinking things through with them."
EVEN THOUGH his discussion groups often get dull, Graham is always swamped with individual appointments.
The Residence Office makes a great point of anonymity for the girls who want to see him. Those who seek appointments call the Residence Office and arrange a time to meet him, without leaving a name. At that time, they are expected to show up outside the room in Hilles Library that Graham uses for his office. He says that most girls usually keep their appointments. He has about 20 individual one-hour appointments on his weekends here. "I almost always fit everyone in just barely," he says.
Harvard men are also welcome to consult with Graham, and occasionally couples will speak with him together. "Harvard has never been very aware of the fact that I'm here and Radcliffe has been rather bashful about telling them," he says.
Graham divides the girls he sees into four categories, from very conservative to very liberal. He sees more in the middle than in the extremes. About those who are very hung up, he says, "The assumption that they're all psychotic is certainly not true."
Of his individual counseling, he says, "I want to help girls see whatever situation they're in more clearly. I don't try to push them in any direction at all--I try to help them work out their decisions." He says most problems center around a relationship a girl is having with a specific boy. "I don't start out saying, 'This is what's going to happen to you.' If I sense they're not being honest with themselves, I say that and we talk about it."
Most of the problems he works with are both medical and psychological. The questions he is asked more often are about birth control.
Many girls considering sleeping with someone come to Graham to discuss it. "The image of sexually free college girls is more true than it used to be," Graham says. "There are a lot of girls who are moderately conservative--just a few who are wildly puritanical."
Occasionally, after seeing a girl for one or two sessions, he will recommend that she see a psychiatrist. But, for the most part, he says, "They don't need that. A psychiatrist almost never deal with a relationship, but with a person."
Graham says that Harvard needs two things: a course on marriage and the family, and someone to be available for discussions and counseling on a regular basis. He feels that Radcliffe has been reticent in discussing these innovations with Harvard. "Radcliffe is in my view a kind of blushing bashful bride--if there are any of those left."