* Nincompoops generally become chairmen of Senate committees.

* As a mouthpiece for his brother, Teddy would add a fresh voice to Senate debate. It is about time we had someone who could speak the President's mind honestly, since the President himself finds this so difficult under the burdens of High Office.

* Teddy did not make a mockery of the democratic processes, the Massachusetts voters did. They preferred his broad shoulders, bright smile and famous name to McCormack's qualifications and experience.

Thus, the reasons which the Havardmen gave to justify their hatred were manifestly fallacious. The respondents were obviously hiding something. Luckily, the poll was designed to reveal the hidden motives for hating Teddy. "What are your hidden motives for hating Teddy?" the eleven were asked.

"Is it not because you believe in democracy? Because you think the most qualified candidate should win? Because you cannot endure seeing a man ride to victory on the assumption that democracy is a fraud? Is it not true that you hate Teddy because you cannot bring yourself to hate the real culprits, the voters of Massachusetts?"

To a man, the respondents broke down and confessed. They could not bear, they said, to see a great American institution like democracy proved fraudulent. Sobbing, they admitted that they felt the same way about baseball. They knew that the game had changed very much but had always insisted that it was the Yankees who were responsible, the Yankees who were making a mockery of baseball. To believe otherwise would be tantamount to admitting that the faith of their youth was wrong.

"And after this confession do you still believe in democracy, in baseball and the rest? Do you still hate Teddy Kennedy and the New York Yankees." Eleven out of eleven answered "Yes."

From my poll three final conclusions emerge:

1) Harvard men hate Teddy because they have faith in the old classical idea of democracy.

2) Eleven out of eleven Harvard men are basically irrational.

3) There is a close correlation between democracy and baseball. Now that the New York Yankees have won another World Series it is reasonable to predict that Teddy Kennedy will win the Massachusetts Senatorial election.