AUGUST
Word leaks from University Hall that Harvard has received an offer from the Defense Department to rent land under the stadium for secret underground atomic tests. "The University is not considering the offer," President Pusey admits, during a conference in his Hayes St. apartment. "It is inconsistent with the University's tradition of scientific amateurism. Besides, they would probably rip up the playing field."
SEPTEMBER
With the return of students, University Hall announces that tuition has risen to $1400 in order to keep pace with other colleges in the Ivy League. A communique from President Pusey to Yale President Griswold reading "Raise You 50!" is discovered by reporters. Board charges rise to $1000 and Director Carl Tucker explains, "Everything is going up these days--1000 is a nice round number, too."
OCTOBER
Charles Van Doren is appointed Preacher to the University. To quell the angry shouting of a hastily formed "Divinitas" group of alumni, Van Doren issues a statement explaining that he had "peered over the brink of nothingness" and had "seen God." President Pusey terms the appointment, "the logical extreme of a policy of deconversion."
NOVEMBER
Because the Student Council chooses a Sunday for National elections, alert Rockefeller supporters dominate the pitifully small voting public. Rockefeller announces that he "would just as soon be Governor of New York" but will take the job anyway. Dean Bundy is appointed "Prince of Peace" in the new cabinet.
DECEMBER
Courtney Smith of the Rhodes Scholarship Committee announces that only applicants from Harvard, Yale, and Princeton would be considered in future competitions. "Preference will, of course, be given to Harvard students," he adds. West Point goes into a pout and cancels all classes in Rhodesmanship. A communique from President Pusey to Yale President Griswold reading "5 gets you 7 we win again this year!" is discovered by reporters. In a revival of national faith during the Christmas season effigies of Santa Claus are nailed on crosses all acros the land. Oh yes, The Third World War Will Not Take Place.