Presents New Program
A special meeting of the freshmen should be called in the Union. In the meantime, all persons propagating pressing contracts should have been collected on the rostrum. After the one thousand and one Freshmen have comfortably arranged their various anatomies over the couches and lounges supplied for the purpose the starter should put the salesmen on their marks, get them ready, and start them off on their individual talks. If after three hours, they are still speaking fluently, which is most probable, I think slight refreshments should be served. In case the dining halls have not opened, this will be greatly appreciated by the 'parsimonious freshman' who by not subscribing to the school publications has saved enough money to carry him through his sophomore year. Provided the refreshments fail to revive those poor Freshmen who have had a mental collapse due to the verbal conflicts in the atmosphere, they should be taken to their respective rooms.
"Their punishment shall be trousers which bag at the knees and expulsion from Major Pringle's famous fraternity, 'W. D. F.' Then along toward midnight when the various speakers have one by one fainted from exhaustion until there is a sole survivor, he should be presented with that noble combined cleaning and pressing outfit so ably exploited by the 'Valentina,' and contracts from all those freshmen who have survived.
"Should any CRIMSON reporters care to interview the originator of this plan, they will most probably find him in the Semitic Museum.
Expresses Deep Feeling
"Lastly, however, let me say that the above rather voluminous account of my personal impressions, inspired by the things I saw and heard, is but the laughing ripple and dance of the stream that is my being. Deep down there is a more vital and flowing current in which sweep by, with awing majesty and holiness, before my inner consciousness the most hallowed and sacred of those treasures my soul has garnered along the shores of life.
"So it is that deep down in the placid pools of my nature the really worth while, the golden ingots of my impressions are stored, forevermore. And when I am old and gray, and the years have gently laid the veil of life aside, I shall sit before a flickering fire of dying embers, and I shall dream, and out of the shadowy past shall trail sweet memories, fragments of joys and sorrows and ambitions. Strong, white hands, angel-hands, from muted strings shall lure bushed melodies, and once again I shall stand on the steps of Widener and gaze across the beloved Yard where the wind sighs. In the branches and nimble squirrels sport themselves among the holy Ivy whose ancient tendrils had twined themselves about my heart long since.