This week, the world saw an event come to pass for the first time since 1415, igniting widespread mourning, speculation of scandal, and spiritual crises: The Crimson failed to cover a conference basketball game live.

Yea, verily I say unto thee, a winter tempest prevented our heroes from emerging from their stronghold city of Cambridge to undertake the long, wicked road to Sheol, or, as it was renamed by its later inhabitants, Ithaca. The incident will remind longtime readers of that early 15th century spring day, when beat writer Sherman the Bold was waylaid on his route to Old Haven by a troop of marauding raiders. “Sword wavin’ Old Haven,” Sherman was said to mutter as he expired on the lonely highway.

But we journalists were far from the only Ivy folks thrown off by Nemo’s wrath. In another history lesson, Harvard played a Sunday conference game for the first time since a February 13, 1994 victory at Columbia after Saturday’s contest was postponed due to weather. Once more, the Lions were the foe in New York City, but Columbia did not keep holy the Sabbath, doing irreverent things to the Crimson on its way to a 78-63 drubbing. The loss was all the more sour for Harvard given Princeton’s loss to Yale the day before; the Crimson missed its chance to put some breathing room between itself and the Tigers at the top of the Ivy standings. Now the two are again locked in a death tussle, the first round of which will be decided this Saturday. Let’s get to the games.

CORNELL at YALE

Following the Bulldogs’ stunning road upset of Princeton on Saturday, one might have expected bold fonts and exclamation points from a lesser student newspaper covering the event. But, when greeted by success, every veteran knows the necessity of acting like you’ve been there before. That’s why the Yale Daily News didn’t give the upset its own article, and @YDNsports waited a day before composing an original tweet to acknowledge the victory. No need to spike the football.

Pick: Cornell

PENN at HARVARD

The Quakers have gone 2-8 in the absence of one of the league’s top forwards, junior Fran Dougherty, who missed a month of action with mononucleosis, returned to action Feb. 1 against Columbia, and promptly dislocated his elbow a game later. Then again, Penn is 3-9 with Dougherty. As long as it contains junior guard Miles Cartwright, this should be a comfortable one for the Crimson—if there is such a thing.

Pick: Harvard

PRINCETON at DARTMOUTH

I suppose it’s possible that the Tigers might be caught looking ahead to the next night’s matchup in Cambridge and forget about their date in Hanover. But I think Princeton could play the whole game facing in a south-southeasterly direction, looking toward Cambridge, and still win this game. I’m taking the Tigers in a rout.

Pick: Princeton

COLUMBIA at BROWN

It was a tough weekend for Brown basketball, which endured two losses by a combined 40 points in its trip to the Killer P’s. Better news for the university is that Kendrick Lamar was announced as the headliner for its spring concert, outdoing Yale’s Spring Fling, which will feature Macklemore as its lead act. I’m preemptively disappointed for whoever is coming to Yardfest—which, to be clear, I blame on the administration’s vision for the event, not on the selection committee. Hey, I hear Dean Dingman’s cousin has a guitar. Maybe he can build some community.

Pick: Columbia