We have hit the midway point of the 2012 Ivy football season, so let’s break down each team’s first five games by comparing them to other classic “middles.”

Harvard (5-0, 2-0 Ivy) is the “The Godfather: Part II.” Still debatable whether the middle edition of the trilogy is as good as the previous version, but it’s an all-time great nonetheless.

Princeton (3-2, 2-0) is Jimmy Eat World’s song “The Middle.” The Tigers are the surprise of the Ancient Eight and might be the conference’s second-strongest team after being picked to finish last in the Ivy preseason poll. They are a true testament to the song’s lyrics: “Hey, don’t write yourself off yet. It’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. Just try your best, try everything you can. And don’t you worry what they tell themselves when you’re away.” Princeton clearly took this message to heart this year when everyone wrote it off.

Penn (2-3, 2-0) is midterms—just a big letdown. The Quakers were expected to compete for the Ivy title, but have barely been able to beat Dartmouth and Columbia thus far.

Cornell (3-2, 1-1) is “Malcolm in the Middle”—a solid competitor led by an upstart star who has the chance to make it big. Let’s just hope for Jeff Mathews’ sake that upon graduating he doesn’t become an open wheel racer and a drummer for a no-name band. (Seriously, that’s what happened to Frankie Muniz! Go read his Wikipedia page. I’m as shocked as you are).

Dartmouth (3-2, 1-1) is the middle name—the one nobody cares about.

Brown (3-2, 0-2) is the middle class—which, if I understood Tuesday’s debate correctly, is really struggling right now. The Bears were shutout by the Tigers last Saturday with Governor Chris Christie in attendance. Christie was cheering for Princeton, where his son goes. I’m therefore looking forward to the Cory Booker 2013 attack ad that depicts Christie rooting against the middle class.

Columbia (1-4, 0-2) is Jose Molina—the middle of the Molina brothers and the one who is terrible at sports.

Yale (1-4, 0-2) is the middle of a bagel—there’s nothing there. Just don’t ask the bagel for a resume, because that resume will claim it’s a donut.

On to the Week Six picks.

PENN AT YALE

Yale football is as bad as it’s been in a long time. The Bulldogs are last in the conference in scoring defense while Geno Smith antithesis Eric Williams has already thrown 12 (TWELVE!) interceptions through five games. No Ivy quarterback who wasn’t also a failed Rhodes Scholar candidate threw that many all of last season. Unfortunately for Yale, more experienced backup John Whitelaw quit the team after losing the starting job to Williams, which is sort of like if Gerald Ford had quit Congress right before Watergate.

The Quakers, as discussed above, have been a disappointment, but the Bulldogs are so bad that they would even be steamrolled by the Little Engine That Could.

Pick: Penn 31, Yale 17

CORNELL AT BROWN

Big Red star quarterback Jeff Mathews didn’t play last week due to injury, and unfortunately there’s no “Cornell Football Blog” to update you on his status while simultaneously making sure you don’t forget that the Big Red finished No. 17 in the country THREE YEARS AGO.

But even if Mathews doesn’t play, Cornell is the better team. Wideout Luke Tasker is a flat-out beast, with 16 more receptions and 342 more receiving yards than anyone in the league. The senior caught 11 passes for 280 yards against Monmouth last weekend, but he’ll face a much tougher task on Saturday against Bears’ All-American cornerback A.J. Cruz, who is probably the best defensive back in the Ancient Eight.

The Big Red desperately needs a win to stay alive in the Ivy title hunt, and backup QB Chris Amrhein showed he could run the show by throwing for 523 yards against the Hawks. I don’t think the Brown offense—shut out last week—can win a shootout, which nearly every Cornell game ends up being, so I’ll take the Big Red.

Pick: Cornell 35, Brown 31

DARTMOUTH AT COLUMBIA

The Lions almost pulled out a big upset at Franklin Field last week. Columbia was up, 20-10, on Penn midway through the fourth quarter before pulling a Chinua Achebe and watching things fall apart for its fourth straight loss.

The Dartmouth football program, meanwhile, continues to grow ever so slowly, which basically makes it the Ancient Eight’s toenail. Halfback Dominick Pierre has looked good replacing graduated star Nick Schweiger, leading the league in yards per carry. Pierre and Dartmouth’s defense, third best in the Ivies, will be enough for a win.

Pick: Dartmouth 24, Columbia 14

HARVARD AT PRINCETON

This could be an early Ivy title game. The Crimson has been absolutely dominant thus far, scoring more points (205) through five games than any Harvard team since Benjamin Harrison was president and its opponents included Exeter, Williams, and the Boston Athletic Association. Quarterback Colton Chapple is a strong frontrunner for Ivy Player of the Year, especially with scientists recently discovering that Tuesday’s earthquake was merely an aftershock of Chapple’s 58-yard touchdown rumble against Bucknell.

But Chapple and the Crimson offense will face its toughest test of the season in Princeton, which has allowed a league-low 11.6 points per game and is coming off a shutout against a Brown squad that scored 31 against Harvard. Senior Mike Catapano has been a terror defensively, registering a league-high seven sacks, and he will pose a major challenge for a beat-up Crimson offensive line.

On the whole, Princeton’s ascension from the bottom of the preseason polls to league contender has been impressive, especially after reigning Ivy Rookie of the Year Chuck Dibilio suffered a stroke in January and was lost for the season. But Harvard is putting together as dominant a year as the Ivy League has been seen in a long time, and on Saturday it will show why it is not only the best team in the Ancient Eight but one of the tops in the entire subdivision.

Lastly, if someone could help me get Jimmy Eat World out of my head, that would be much appreciated.

Pick: Harvard 31, Princeton 17

—Staff writer Scott A. Sherman can be reached at ssherman13@college.harvard.edu.