Any good rivalry game needs to be a contest. You want it to be a fair fight, a matchup that either team could win in any given year regardless of its record coming in or the way it’s played so far.

There’s a reason we don’t see Michigan play a D-III team for its rivalry game. No one wants to see Michael Jackson and Carlton Banks from “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” compete in a dance-off. It would be totally lopsided, like watching 2000 Tiger Woods play golf against 2011 Tiger Woods.

Sure, there are a few exceptions. Die-hard college football fans call Notre Dame-Navy a rivalry even though the Midshipmen basically got handled every time until very recently. Chipotle always beats Qdoba in every measurable burrito metric, but we still like to compare them side-by-side.

But generally, that’s uninteresting.

In the Ivy League, an eight-team conference, each squad is a foe of the other seven. This week especially, it features some of the league’s longest-running games, including a few that date back to the 19th century.

Some of these games feature two teams with strong records, and we can expect a contest.

In others, you just have to ask: why are these rivalry games again?

Harvard faces off against Princeton, but this head-to-head matchup that dates back to 1877 hasn’t been much of a contest since the Clinton administration. The Crimson has only lost to the Tigers twice since 1996.

Don’t count on that changing too much this year. Harvard sits on a 4-1 record at the halfway point of the season. Princeton also has a win this year, beating Columbia, which is a little bit like saying that the DMV beat the TSA in a customer service evaluation.

There are still some compelling games to be played on Saturday. Yale faces Penn, and the two, along with Harvard and perhaps Brown, are the clear title contenders this season.

But the rest of the games may not be too tight. Even the Columbia-Dartmouth matchup, one that features two struggling teams, shouldn’t be much of a contest, despite their similar records.

Of course, by establishing that this week’s games are clear-cut, I set myself up for embarrassment when I inevitably butcher a few picks.

YALE (3-2, 2-0 Ivy) at PENN (3-2, 2-0)

In a week that looks filled with mismatches, this will clearly be the best Ivy League game. It’s the only matchup in the Ancient Eight that features two winning teams.

Though Yale is still undefeated in league play, its loss last week to Lafayette shows that the Bulldogs are definitely vulnerable. When Harvard played the Leopards three weeks ago, Lafayette looked entirely listless and was held to just three points.

It was totally lopsided, which is why I was so surprised by Yale’s loss. Either Lafayette figured something out—doubtful, based on what I saw in Easton, Pa.—or the Bulldogs have some kinks that they will need to have worked out if they want to beat Penn.

For one, Yale had two interceptions and ran for just 91 yards. Even so, the team kept it close with the Leopards into the fourth quarter, and at one point cut the lead to two before Lafayette pulled away.

Likewise, the Quakers’ 2-0 league record hardly tells the whole story. It managed its first win a few weeks ago at Dartmouth on a last-second touchdown.

But more surprisingly, Penn really had its hands full with the Lions, and it took another final-minute touchdown to cap a 14-point fourth-quarter comeback win. Part of the problem for the Quakers were fumbles—five of them, to be precise, two of which they lost.

This may be the best game on the league slate, but both teams have a lot of holes they need to close—fast.

Pick: Penn 21, Yale 20

BROWN (4-1, 1-1 Ivy) at CORNELL (2-3, 0-2)

Cornell continues to demonstrate that it’s a talented team, but it is having trouble getting over the hump.

Two weeks ago, it led Harvard in the second half before an onslaught of Crimson touchdowns pulled Harvard ahead for good.

Last week against Colgate, the Big Red mounted a miraculous comeback, scoring 10 points in the final two minutes to force overtime in the fourth quarter. But even then, Cornell couldn’t pull out a win, losing by a touchdown in extra time.

This game features two of the best quarterbacks in the Ivy League: the Big Red’s Jeff Mathews and Brown’s Kyle Newhall-Caballero.

Since a loss to Harvard in the second week of the Ivy season, Brown has looked better and better in every game that it has played, culminating in last week’s 34-0 win over Princeton.

Cornell has shown that it can compete with anyone in the league, though Brown might still be too good. It wouldn’t surprise me to see the Big Red come close once again, but I still expect Cornell to fall short.

Pick: Brown 35, Cornell 28

COLUMBIA (0-5, 0-2 Ivy) at DARTMOUTH (1-4, 0-2)

This may look like a matchup of Ivy League doormats, but that doesn’t tell the whole story.

Compare, for instance, “Cars 2” and “Bucky Larson,” two box-office flops that came out this year. Although “Cars 2” did not earn much love from the critics and it’s probably still Pixar’s worst film, it wasn’t half-bad. Certainly entertaining, if goofy, and it definitely has its moments.

Then you have “Bucky Larson,” a movie I didn’t see because it looked so awful in the previews. You know how some movies fall into the so-bad-it’s-good category? Apparently this film was way, way past that point.

Dartmouth is “Cars 2”—some weaknesses for sure, but some highlights as well.

And Columbia? Falls a little bit more on the “Bucky Larson” end of things.

Actually, the Lions are coming off a game in which it contended against Penn, but Columbia couldn’t hold on in the end. And I think that the closeness of that one had more to do with serious Quaker weaknesses and lackluster performance in the first three quarters than any strengths that Columbia might have.

Penn has made a habit of pulling off those wins like that. And the Lions just haven’t shown much promise yet.

Dartmouth was clearly better last week than it was the week before when the Big Green was shut out by Yale, but its defense needs work. It surrendered 426 total yards to Holy Cross quarterback Ryan Taggart—and that’s tough to overcome.

Pick: Dartmouth 24, Columbia 17

PRINCETON (1-4, 1-1) at HARVARD (4-1, 2-0)

I’m not sure whether he’s eating his spinach or his Wheaties. Maybe he’s been watching inspirational sports movies back-to-back that are giving him that extra drive.

Whatever junior quarterback Colton Chapple is doing, it’s been working. His last two games have been nothing short of extraordinary.

In addition to being the first Harvard quarterback to throw four touchdowns in consecutive games, he’s just the second to throw for five TDs in a contest. The last time a Harvard passer did that, neither Hawaii nor Alaska was a state.

And that’s not all. He threw five in just over two quarters before he was taken out. Had he played the whole game, I honestly believe he could have thrown eight touchdowns.

If Chapple plays like he has in the last two weeks against Cornell and Bucknell, I don’t think Princeton has a shot.

Pick: Harvard 38, Princeton 13

RECORD LAST WEEK: 4-2 (To date: 12-6)