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Looking back at freshman year’s Family Weekend, I remember the flood of parents and three days of non-stop activities promoted by the College. This year, the same weekend could not have felt more different.

I saw a few families in my House dining hall, but there was far less of the aggressive, impossible-to-miss programming of the year before. The difference speaks to a larger shift in Harvard’s approach to student life. Harvard does a lot of handholding with first-years, before tapering off as students grow. It would do good to apply the non-interventionist approach earlier: When it comes to building a real family at Harvard, less parenting from the College is better.

Students step into a world of College-coordinated events from day one. Starting strong with First-Year Orientation, most new students undergo mandatory days of bonding. Afterwards, inboxes are filled with emails from Resident Deans, proctors, and the First-Year Experience Office, all encouraging integration into the social scene through participation in carefully planned programming throughout their first year.

The College also cultivates freshman community through the use of entryways. Resident Deans handpick suitemates and neighbors based on housing questionnaires, and many proctors hold study breaks to facilitate entryway friendships. The sense is that carefully curated entryways create a feeling of familiarity and family. Anecdotally, some freshmen are even required to check in at every meeting, depending on their proctor.

When it came to freshman Family Weekend, the messaging and scheduling reflected the same pattern of abundant — and sometimes overbearing — support for socialization between students and their families.

While community life and support is certainly present in upperclassman housing, the programming feels a lot less like parenting on how to socialize.

To be clear, first-year programming has its merits. The events remind students to take social breaks during the week, which is usually packed with academics and extracurriculars. More importantly, such programming does a good job of communicating to students that adults on campus care about their wellbeing.

But none of those reasons are what empowered me to make friends in college. Rather than finding community in College-sponsored events, I made friends from daily, unorchestrated activities. The strength of bonds that form, for example, from endless time spent in office hours, are unparalleled. These friendships grow over walks by the river taken to de-stress and late night runs to BerryLine. After their initial spontaneity, they require consistent effort and are rooted in a schedule different from the College’s first-year socialization timeline.

The people I most care about were not fed to me through any sort of programming. And they became my family at Harvard because we figured out how to support one another throughout our busy semesters, filled with more studying sessions than FYE events.

As an upperclassman, the more relaxed approach to House life is conducive to furthering meaningful relationships like these. Instead of feeling the rush to make friends at programmed events, students can be intentional about to whom they wish to dedicate their time. Being separated into upperclassman housing means students must learn to make time for relationships in other Houses — dare I mention the Quad.

House programming does not try to bridge this gap for upperclassmen. Instead of implying the unrealistic goal of befriending as many people in the grade as possible, the College places its emphasis on House life. Students direct the rest of their socializing as they wish.

Less handholding in college social life benefits students, and it begs the question: Where else might Harvard take a more hands off approach?

Harvard has been known to discourage student festivities through tailgating restrictions, a level of control that detracts from the college experience. In the academic sphere, a trend toward increased attendance and quiz requirements can artificialize student engagement while building resentment among students forced to comply. In its attempts to assert control over student engagement, Harvard makes rules without necessarily engendering respect for them — sounds like overparenting.

The College can afford students more decision-making power in these areas of student life as well. Empowering capable students means letting them mature by making some social and academic decisions on their own.

Harvard: Let us figure out growing up. We promise we can still make you proud.

Ana Cabrera Antkowiak ’28, a Crimson Editorial editor, lives in Currier House.