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Widener
He/him, 107 y/o, 80 ft. tall
My uniform: Sweater vest, leather briefcase, and my Rolex watch (gift from grandpa before he died on the Titanic 😢)
First round is on me if: You also only drink whiskey on the rocks (“Never delay kissing a pretty girl or opening a bottle of whiskey,” as Ernest Hemingway once said)
One thing I’d love to know about you: If you think I should join the Spee (to be progressive) or the Porcellian (to be traditional)
Two truths and a lie:
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I have a Gutenberg Bible
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I took a gap year in York translating books from modern English to Olde English
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I can’t quote every line of “Hamlet”
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Cabot
He/him, 49 y/0, 20 ft. tall
My uniform: My “I took CS50” shirt
Dating me is like: Business by day, party by night 😉
Two truths and a lie:
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I have two scooters (one electric, one manual)
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I own 15 vapes (and counting)
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I never skip class to do overdue homework with the lecture on two times speed in the background (anymore)
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Lamont
She/her, 73 y/o, 30 ft. tall
My uniform: Sweatpants and crocs
I’ll fall for you if: You buy me Red Bull (Summer or Blue edition)
Don’t hate me if I: Accidentally call you “mommy”
Two truths and a lie:
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I have never gone to bed before sunrise or a lecture before sunset
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I use highlighters as writing utensils
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I shower regularly
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Houghton
She/her, 80 y/o, 20 ft. tall
My uniform: Pantyhose, heels, pearls, and something floral
An overshare: I’ve gone from frenemies to lovers to enemies with W***ner
This year, I really want to: Purge my shelves of books written by white males
Two truths and a lie:
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I have never been sick, late, or gotten fewer than eight hours of sleep
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I spent my gap year teaching underprivileged children how to bullet journal
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I don’t quote Emily Dickinson in casual conversation
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Law School
He/him, 205 y/o, 40 ft. tall
My uniform: Elbow-patch blazer, cross-body bag, dress shoes, and tortoiseshell frames (but just the frames; I have 20/20 vision)
You should *not* go out with me if: You’re more of an a priori than a a posteriori person
My love language is: Jargon
Three truths and a lie:
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I only need five hours of sleep per day
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I attend a biweekly Henry James book/fan club
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I would never do keg stands at said book club (with wine)
—Magazine writer Amber H. Levis can be reached at amber.levis@thecrimson.com. Follow her on Twitter @amberlevis.
—Magazine writer Io Y. Gilman can be reached at io.gilman@thecrimson.com.
