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How does it feel to support the Cleveland Browns? Let me explain.

Imagine that you’re on a frozen highway. Suddenly, an 18-wheeler runs you over. Both your legs break, but you decide to wait out the recovery. Ice melts. Raccoons scavenge. Then, 10 weeks to the day, the same 18-wheeler runs you over again.

Replace “18-wheeler” with “Pittsburgh Steelers,” and you get the idea.

Alternatively, imagine that you buy a lottery ticket. It’s an expensive purchase ($5.3 million), but you like your odds. One day, you turn on the television and see your number. Congratulations! For 14 weeks, you make grand plans. Eventually, you turn on the television again and see that your ticket is worthless.

Replace “lottery ticket” with “Josh Gordon,” and you understand.

Traditionally, Harvard football has treated fans more kindly. The Crimson has lost five games in the past four years and won three Ivy titles.

Last Saturday, however, Harvard took a step toward Cleveland. The Crimson dropped its season opener to Rhode Island, a program that last topped .500 in 2001—meaning the most recent season in which one Browns quarterback started 16 games.

Harvard won’t lose as much as Cleveland. This I promise.

GEORGETOWN AT COLUMBIA

The last time that Columbia won an outright league title, I was laughing at a Lampoon article. In other words, the Lions have never won an outright league title.

Neither has Georgetown—partly because the Hoyas don’t play in the Ivy League. However, the Hoyas did beat Columbia last year, in a football game that doubled as improv comedy. Georgetown proceeded to drop the next eight contests of the season.

This year’s edition of “The Dumpster Fire on Grass” has little to offer. Basically, only masochists should watch.

Pick: Columbia 17, Georgetown 10.

CORNELL AT YALE