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This week’s slate of Ancient Eight action features Godfather-lookalikes, sparrow serial killers, and Cornell. Let’s not waste any time getting into the picks:

PRINCETON AT BROWN

Last Saturday, Princeton faced a 10-0 deficit against Georgetown with 7:41 left in the first quarter. Over the next 33 minutes, the Tigers went on a 50-0 run.

Let that number sink in—50 straight points! That’s more of a disproportionate response than imprisoning Jean Valjean for stealing a loaf of bread.

Picked to top the Ivy League, Princeton sits 0-1 in Ancient Eight play after a shocking loss to Columbia. This weekend, the Tigers will seek revenge at Brown.

Odds are that the Bears won’t fight back. The 2-2 football team has alternated wins with losses. Last weekend, Brown fell to a program called the Hatters that previously was 0-5.

Led by senior quarterback Chad Kanoff, Princeton will feast on the Bears, while Brown players struggle to find any offensive crumbs. Maybe Jean Valjean can offer some advice.

PICK: Princeton 34, Brown 10.

PENN AT COLUMBIA

This matchup is all about Columbia coach Al Bagnoli, my second-favorite person in Ivy League football.

There are many reasons to like Bagnoli, who gives wonderful interviews and looks like an older version of Michael Corleone. (I can say this because I own The Godfather and my last name is Danello.) Bagnoli epitomizes an American success story—he was born in New Haven but made it to New York. How can you not like this guy?

In the past two seasons, admiration for Bagnoli mixed with pity, as his Lions assumed their traditional role as Ancient Eight doormat. Well, the times have changed. Columbia boasts a 4-0 record. Last week, John Feinstein—yes, that John Feinstein—wrote a column called “‘There’s actually hype around Columbia football’: A longtime punchline is 4-0.” These Lions can roar.

The problem is, Bagnoli is running into my favorite person in Ivy League football. His name is Justin Watson (senior wide receiver), and he will not lose to Columbia. Have you ever read the Book of Revelation? Let me save you the time—Watson descends to earth on a chariot of offensive linemen, and he collects 11 catches for 150 yards and two touchdowns.

I don’t care who covers Watson. I’m never betting against The Terminator.