Housing Day is right around the corner, folks, and we all know what that means. That’s right, it means it’s time for all of you freshmen to gather in your blocking groups, the formation of which has been causing you to stress eat for the past few weeks, and sacrifice some cuddly baby animals in an ancient voodoo ritual to appease the Housing Day gods.
What was that? That’s “repulsive,” “illegal,” and “not how it works,” you say? Well then, I suppose you could always take the classic, albeit less edgy route of getting absolutely shwasted. Nothing says good housing karma like puking in your roommate’s L.L. Bean boots, so here’s FM’s take on how you should get turnt in preparation for Housing Day.
PREGAME: HOUSING EVE ICED TEA
1 oz tequila 1 oz vodka 1 oz rum
1 oz gin
5 oz sweet and sour mix
1 drop of blood from each member of the blocking group
Buckle up, because this topical twist on a classic is bound to take the edge off those Housing Day nerves and prime you for a night of debauchery. Pass around this boozy brew as you pray to God, the River House deities, Dean of the College Rakesh Khurana, or whatever it is that you kids believe in these days. Take this time to bond with your blockmates! It’s only a couple more months until you’ll be getting on their nerves.
RIVER RUM
3 oz rum
4 oz Gatorade
Ice shavings scraped off the surface of the Charles River Sweat to taste
Hope you’ve been training because it’s time to show off your impressive athleticism by jogging in drunk circles from house to house! If you are like most students and have not seen the inside of a gym since first semester, speed walking is equally acceptable, albeit less impressive. Take a swig of this questionable concoction every time you arrive at a new house. The Gatorade provides electrolytes so you can run from the police faster.
MATHERTINI
4 oz Gin
1 oz Vermouth Olives for garnish
This is a fun one. Walk to Mather. Ask people if they think Mather is ugly. Take a shot for everyone who says “Yes.” Take two shots for everyone who says “No.” Repeat until Mather looks like the Four Seasons.
SIDECAR (TO THE QUAD)
2 oz cognac
2 oz triple sec
1/2 oz lemon juice Tears
Just start crying preemptively, because there are a whole lot of you who are doomed to get some bad news today. Just kidding, the Quad isn’t that bad. Just kidding, yeah it is. Either way, cheer up and throw one back for your Quadded comrades. At least you’ll get to go to some sick parties in the Currier Ten-Man.
