One afternoon in 1994, Harvard wrestling coach Jay Weiss was sitting in his office on the fourth floor of the Malkin Athletic Center when women’s volleyball coach Jennifer Bates passed his door, a common occurrence since the volleyball courts are right outside his office.

At the time, the two coaches had just solidified their positions at Harvard—Jennifer had taken over the helm of women’s volleyball in 1993 and Jay had been hired a year later. They were colleagues and not much more.

“[In the beginning,] we didn’t know each other,” Jennifer said. “I was here before he was and then when he came in that year, we [became] friends.”

But that one afternoon, Jennifer did something simple that unwittingly sparked a relationship that has lasted longer than any winning streak or championship run.

“The door was open and she walked by, then she turned back and said, ‘Can I borrow a pencil?’” Jay recalled. “And I was like, ‘Okay, so this is where we’re going with it’...She obviously didn’t need a pencil. But then we got to know each other and we ended up running around the [Charles] River [together] for the first month to a year.”

Twenty years, hundreds of victories, 67 All-Ivy or All-American players, 16 years of marriage, and two kids later, Jay and Jennifer Weiss are still going strong as spouses and Crimson head coaches.

Separately, the Weisses would likely have done well and had solid coaching careers. But united, they have left a lasting mark on Harvard athletics both inside and outside of the MAC.

CONVERGING PATHS

Though Jay and Jennifer both began their coaching careers fresh out of college, they took divergent routes to becoming head coaches for the Crimson.

While Jennifer came to Harvard immediately after finishing her master’s degree, working as an intern in the athletic department and assistant coach for the volleyball team, Jay had multiple high level coaching experiences before coming to Cambridge.

“Out of college, I was the head wrestling coach at Moravian College in Division III, and I was there for two years,” Jay said “I knew I wanted to get back into Division I. The Brown assistant job opened up…. I went from being a head coach to an assistant coach, and was at Brown for two years.”

As fate would have it, the puzzle pieces fell into place for both Weisses to take on Harvard coaching positions. For Jay, that piece was applying for a Crimson wrestling coach position that he thought his former college coach at Franklin and Marshall was the frontrunner for.

By his own account, Jay wasn’t even shooting for the Crimson job but was hoping to fill the opening at Franklin and Marshall should his former coach get the Harvard position.

The outcome wasn’t exactly the one Jay had expected.

“[My old coach] got [the position], took it, and two days later turned it down and pushed for me, so Harvard called me back up,” Jay said. “I was in the right place at the right time…I was just fortunate to have that opportunity that many years ago.”

Two decades ago, Jennifer never even saw full time coaching as a possibility until then-athletic director Bill Cleary ’56 approached her.

“At the time when I was interning, I was doing volleyball as kind of a side [job],” Jennifer said. “[Cleary] gave me the opportunity of a lifetime and…I [accepted]. I was, absolutely, at the right place at the right time.”

An awkward request for a pencil and dozens of runs along the Charles later, Jay and Jennifer were wedded, with Harvard athletics in the audience.

“We respected the administration here and they respected what we were doing with the programs,” Jennifer said. “And so, when we did get married in 1998, which was a good five years [after we had gotten here]…Cleary and all the administrators that hired us were there.”

TWO HALVES MAKE A WHOLE

Like any young coaches, the Weisses had their fair share of struggles and learning experiences. But the Crimson community was exactly the place for them to learn and grow through their mistakes and successes. Their colleagues, such as the late Harvard crew legend Harry Parker and Cleary, who was a former Harvard men’s ice hockey head, were fine coaching role models for the Weiss’.

“[At age] 25, I just wanted to win, win, win,” Jay said. “I was young and dumb and wanted to win. All I wanted to do was win and it was frustrating because it’s difficult. I kept saying this isn’t going to work, this isn’t going to work, but the more people around you talk to you, the more you understand what this place is about.”

Like the role models around them, the Weiss’ marriage taught the pair numerous lessons, such as to draw from each other’s strengths in order to develop their leadership abilities.

“My strength was definitely developing communication and people skills,” Jennifer said. “Between the two of us, [Jay] exudes passion all the time, which inspired me to develop as a coach or as a leader [who exudes that passion].”

The Crimson athletes who they have mentored over the seasons have felt the positive outputs of their relationship, as well.

“[The Weisses] complement one another in that I think they are equally ferocious competitors and just as nurturing, and they just have different approaches,” said two-time Ivy League Player of the Year Kaego Ogbechie ’05, who was one of five Ivy League Rookies of the Year Jennifer has coached. “I think they know their audience. They know people really well and that’s what they feed off one another.”

MORE THAN AN ATHLETE

As the years go by and the wins pile up, nothing is more important to the Weisses than seeing their student-athletes leave Harvard more responsible, caring, and ready to face the real-world challenges ahead of them than when they first arrived as recruits.

“If I’m saying my job is to make you a national champ and [just hope] to God you’re a better man in four years, then I shouldn’t be here,” Jay said.

In the process of what current wrestling captain Cameron Croy described as “making boys into men,” Jay has guided wrestlers to success on the national stage. In his first 20 years as coach, Jay has tutored 19 All-Americans, after the Crimson only had seven in the three quarters of a century prior to his arrival.

But even the best wrestling athletes Harvard has ever seen point to Jay’s teachings, not the wins and championships, as what they carry beyond college.

“There aren’t many coaches in the sport who do as good of a job highlighting the life lessons and the values you can learn through the sport as [Jay] does,” said 2010 NCAA Wrestling National Champion J.P. O’Connor ’10, who returned to Harvard wrestling as an assistant coach after graduation.

A few flights of stairs above the wrestling rooms, Ogbechie dominated Ivy League opponents, registering 1154 kills in an illustrious four-year Crimson volleyball career. Although her impressive accomplishments are written in the Harvard record books, what sticks with her today are the lifelong principles she learned from Jennifer.

“I personally translate [what Jennifer taught me] to everything I do now,” Ogbechie said. “Even with work, [whether it’s] leading a team or being part of a team, it’s critical to have a sense of camaraderie or support…I think she taught us that early on without necessarily even having to say it.”

Likewise, Jennifer’s current players understand the expectations their coach has set out for them.

“Coach [Jennifer] has always cared a lot about us as people and players,” current co-captain Kristen Casey said. “[I’ve learned] from her that success means winning—and sometimes losing—with integrity, unity, and class. That mindset permeates the culture of our team.”

Any Harvard women’s volleyball player that has come through Jennifer’s program has seen how much each individual on the team means to her.

“She has built a program where teammates are more than inclusive, we are a family,” co-captain Natalie Doyle said. “Coach looks out for us as people and encourages our individual development in addition to helping us grow in our roles on the team…[She] has taught her players that they can conquer anything.”

A GROWING FAMILY

Along with their volleyball and wrestling squads, the Weisses now have their own children to look after. Both sons, Colby and Keegan, have roamed around the Malkin Athletic Center since they could crawl.

Being able to look after the kids at the MAC has not only made life logistically easier for the Weisses, but has taught Harvard players important life lessons, as well.

“When [our boys] come in, they look up to my team and [Jennifer’s] team,” Jay said. “I tell my guys, ‘You’re role models and when my children come into this room, you need to understand that they’re watching you.’ My guys like that. I see a lot of [them] spending time with my kids. I want them to be role models to them.”

To the Harvard athletes, it’s no coincidence that the Weiss’ greatest growth has come with raising their kids.

“I’ve seen their family and how he’s a good father,” Croy said. “He takes those values that he [maintains] as a father and applies them to the wrestling team. I think the Harvard wrestling team is just an extension of his family life and that’s why it’s such a good group.”

On the court a few floors above, Jennifer has altered her approach from the sideline over the years, and her players have taken her words to heart.

“Being a mom has made me a better coach,” Jennifer said. “[I’m] evolving and growing, always learning something every day.”

LEGACY BEYOND ATHLETICS

Two decades of coaching have given both Weisses plenty to reflect on. One thing they are certain of is that it’s not the wins that have kept them in Cambridge for so long.

“The relationships we build are why we come to work every morning and those [relationships are developed] on a daily basis here,” Jay said. “If we’re on the short list of phone calls [for an athlete to say,] ‘Coach, I just got engaged’ or ‘Coach, I just got married’ or ‘Coach, my wife just had a baby,’ that’s pretty cool.”

The time here has also given them a chance to see how their coaching philosophies have evolved to what they are today.

“I think I’m more competitive than ever, but I’m doing it in a different way,” Jay said. “I don’t necessarily want the best wrestler for me, but I want someone who’s going to be great 20 years from now.”

Both the Weisses have seen their fair share of student-athletes come and go. What distinguishes the couple is the number of Harvard graduates that come back to them for help and advice after their college years. Given the way they treat their athletes as family on and off the court and the mats, there’s no surprise that this happens year in and year out.

“You see the same twinkle in their eyes about their players as you do about their children,” Ogbechie said. “I think it’s because they see something in [their players] beyond what anyone else does.”

The personal fulfillment they have gained at Harvard has kept the Weisses grounded, even when other job offers have come up.

“I’ve had opportunities to go other places,” Jennifer said. “We [have] a great thing going and I don’t want to go anywhere…. I think the [mixture of the] quality of life, being able to have a family…and being able to balance it all [is unique]. You can’t do that everywhere.”

With the first 20 plus years in the past, Jay sees no reason to stray from the current course.

“I think it’s pretty evident that we both feel the same way about this place,” he said. “We always say that it’s not a coincidence that I married a person who has the same ideal of making other people’s dreams come true…Now that we’ve been here so long, I can’t see us at another institution.”