One of the only non-rain-soaked parts of Harvard’s 375th birthday celebration on Oct. 14 was the celebratory dinner the Harvard University Dining Services prepared. HUDS offered dishes ranging in uniqueness from “Corn Chowder” to “Cornbread,” intending to narrate the history of Harvard’s food for its first 375 years. Descriptions written by representatives from The Food Literacy Project flanked each of the featured food items. HUDS will likely continue this tradition at Harvard’s subsequent birthday parties, so to make the lives of future FLP representatives a little easier, FM would like to offer our take on some dishes du jour:

“Golden Nuggets”

“Golden nuggets” were neither golden nor nuggety. They were, in fact, potato shavings molded into cylinders and deep-fried. Students usually ate them alongside dipping sauces, most notably “ketchup” (catsup). Popularly known in most circles as “tater tots,” “golden nuggets” reflected Harvard’s larger problem of calling things something different from their pre-established, accepted names—whether “Marshmallow Mateys” instead of Lucky Charms, “Frosted Mini Spooners” instead of Frosted Mini-Wheats, or “concentration” instead of “major.”

“Crispy Fish Sandwich,” “Vegan Dog,” “Hallal Grilled Hamburger”

It is unclear why HUDS regularly offered these items at the “grill,” since nobody ordered them, and they were disgusting.

“Boca Burger”

Literally translated from the Spanish as the “mouth” burger, the “boca burger” illustrated Harvard’s commitment to culinary diversity in an age of globalization. The mouth burger was served daily at the grill, providing a consistent vegan offering for individuals concerned with the implications of their food for animals and the environment. It contained the following ingredients: Boca Burger (Water, Soy Protein Concentrate, Wheat Gluten, Contains Less Than 2% If Methylcellulose, Salt, Natural & Artificial Flavor, Dried Onions, Maltodextrin, Yeast Extract, Sesame Oil, Defatted Wheat Germ, Hydrolyzed Protein (Corn & Soy) & Hydrolyzed Wheat Gluten, Caramel Color, Soy Sauce (Water, Soybeans, Wheat, Salt), Autolyzed Yeast Extract, Disodium Guanylate, Disodium Inosinate, Succinic Acid.))

“Hot breakfast”

Legend has it that this mythical meal was at one point served in House dining halls. No reports have been verified.