Kenneth G. Saathoff ’09



RR: What will you miss most about Harvard?

KS: Sunrise breakfast quesadillas. Hot breakfast in general.

RR: After four years at Harvard, the greatest thing you can think of is a breakfast quesadilla?

KS: I’ve actually never had one.

RR: ...

KS: I’ve never eaten a sunrise breakfast quesadilla.

RR: So you lied?

KS: I’m sorry. I was disingenuous.

RR: Let’s start over. And let’s be honest this time. What will you miss most about Harvard?

KS: I should have thought more about this. And about my life in general. Who am I? What am I doing here?

RR: I did not ask any of those questions.

KS: Hm.

RR: I think I’m going to go now.

KS: I’d miss my freshman year roommates.

RR: So you’ll miss the people.

KS: Yeah, that and the strong religious faith of the students here.

RR: Okay.

KS: And the institutionalized public nudity. And the Bee. Definitely the Bee.

RR: I see what you’re doing here. You’re saying things that aren’t true.

KS: Well, what will you miss most?

RR: I’d say the people.

KS: But everyone says that.

RR: That’s because it’s true.

KS: So deep down we’re all the same.

RR: That is stupid.

KS: You’re right. Well, I guess I’ll say the people.

RR: Great.

KS: Or maybe the architecture.

RR: I am going to go now.





Jared S. Gruszecki ’09



RR: What will you miss most about Harvard?

JSG: Potato pierogies at the dining hall.

RR: Really?

JSG: Well, what have most other people said?

RR: The people.

JSG: I don’t want to say that. That’s not true.

RR: Pretend I’m President Faust. What would you like to tell me?

JSG: Stop sending me e-mails. No more e-mails.

RR: What if there’s an emergency?

JSG: Then you can send one e-mail. Just one. Or use the emergency texting system.

RR: What would you most like to change about Harvard?

JSG: Shorter e-mails from Drew Faust. How does she expect me to read them? They’re so long. They’re like essays.

RR: So e-mail is the thing that really stands out about Harvard?

JSG: Yeah, I’d like fewer e-mails and shorter e-mails. And more pierogies.

RR: What about an e-mail about pierogies?

JSG: That would be fine.





Scott T. Gregg ’11



RR: Pretend you’re a senior. What will you miss most about Harvard?

SG: Probably my close friends.

RR: I’m going to be President Faust and you be you. What would you like to say to me?

SG: I’d give a suggestion. I know we’re getting a liberal arts education, but I think there could be more emphasis on guiding students into certain careers. Having a social innovation major where people could look at issues from a variety of perspectives would have a huge effect on the opportunities that people feel like they have when they’re leaving school. If people had more guidance in college to dream and have ambitions I think Harvard could be a much bigger presence in the world than it claims it already is.

RR: Well I think you are a presumptuous 20-year-old with bad ideas.

SG: Okay, then I will transfer to Stanford.

RR: Okay, then I will call Provost Etchemendy at Stanford and ensure that your transfer application is rejected.

SG: Well, I’ll make a lot of noise. I’m going to make a difference in the world. If you’re going to help me, you’re going to help me. And if you’re not, you’re not.

RR: I will not help you. I am Drew Gilpin Faust, the President of Harvard.





Tym Lewtak ’11



RR: What will you miss most about Harvard?

TL: Do you want me to be somber or happy?

RR: Whatever, man.

TL: Okay, well I guess I’d say that the resources are amazing and the people are great.

RR: What’s your plan for the next year?

TL: I’m going to study in London this summer, then back to Harvard. Right now I have a sense of stability that nothing bad can happen for two years.

RR: But then you won’t get a job.

TL: I’d like to think otherwise.

RR: But you probably won’t.

TL: We’ll see...

RR: Yeah, we will.

TL: Wow, way to lower my self-esteem.

RR: Sorry man.