The Man Who Sold the World

By William Kleinknecht



Ronald Reagan is pretty much the devil. This is fact. I mean, look at that charming face, that movie star smile, that evil cancer stick dangling from his pretty mouth, coercing impressionable children everywhere to smoke. This book is almost certainly about all the wrongdoing Reagan perpetrated while he hid behind his coy grin and dashing good looks. From Iran-Contra to Reaganomics to introducing crack cocaine to the hood (alright, maybe he didn’t really do this, but damn if he doesn’t make a good scapegoat), there’s plenty of fodder for new age liberals to hate. I mean, the guy revolutionized conservatism, and did it with a smile. My guess is, “The Man Who Sold the World” is about all this. Either that or David Bowie. It could go either way.





Eight in the Box

By Raffi Yessayan



The book focuses on a handsome, intelligent, witty college student who falls victim to a diabolical price gouging scheme. After years of paying the reasonable rate of 85 cents for his two-packs of brown sugar Pop Tarts, he one day discovers that the vending machine deities have betrayed this long-standing tradition, raising the fee to an outrageous price of one American dollar. Our hero falls to his knees in front of the behemoth nutrient dispenser, crying and salivating as his desired snack taunts him from behind the glass. Climbing up the stairs to his room, he can only think of two things: hunger and revenge. Suddenly, after hours of scheming, he comes up with a plan to outsmart the greedy vending machine schemers. Wearing only his boxers and a knowing smirk, he runs from the dormitory to the nearest convenience store, grabs the first box of Pop Tarts he sees, and pays only 8 dollars for the whole box! What a deal! Cackling madly, he rips open the cardboard container to get to his spoils, only to find that his search for value was an utter failure. The conspiracy had extended to retail; the were only Eight in the Box. This novel is based on a true story.





Imagining America in 2033

By Herbert J. Gans



In this gripping work of post-modern historical fiction (or, “pomo hifi,” or “pofi”), a young writer struggles to discover whether his waking life has been reality or a dream. As he wanders through the labyrinthine catacombs of his university library, strange apparitions—phantasms, childhood memories and the Jew of Malta, among others—haunt his steps and agitate his research in compiling a biography of... himself. Circumstances run afoul when his love interest, a buxom barista with retrograde amnesia, begins to suspect that the protagonist has been brainwashed to murder his own father. Elsewhere, a cabal of petit bourgeoise candle manufacturers study the cryptic final notations of a reclusive poet-sage in search for the last prophecy of the Knights Templar. Laughter, tears and awkward stimulation await in the vaunted final climax of possibly the most important book of this decade or any other decade. Suspense builds when President Bush makes an appearance at one point, assembling a jigsaw puzzle of the White House. It’s a metaphor.





What Happened to Anna K.

By Irina Reyn



This book is a glorified cliff notes penned on Leo Tolstoy’s seminal “Anna Karenina.” Here’s what you need to know. Anna was a cheating whore and an opium addict. She abandoned her children, her husband and her class, and killed herself. Pretty bleak, right? I think there were some trains too. Also Vronskys, Oblonskys and other skis. Part of the book was about skiing. Are you accusing me of never reading this book? Why don’t you read it if you think you’re so smart. Fuck you. It’s also partly about her brother Josef K., the push-over attorney from Franz Kafka’s awesome novel, “The Trial.” Kafka’s original manuscript was loosely based on a German facsimile of a John Grisham novel called “Runaway Trial.” The lawyers go skiing occasionally, and it’s not entirely clear why, because it doesn’t snow where the book is set. Seriously dude, screw you. Read the book yourself. This is the last time I do something like this for you.