Certainly, nothing pumps up the Crimson football team and its fans like standing in the freezing cold waiting for a concert to get cancelled. But this year, the College Events Board has decided not to book a “star” performer for the Harvard-Yale Pep Rally. Fear not, though, pep rally diehards, this year’s event is sure to promise a sufficient amount of disappointment.

For one thing, the pep rally will still feature the Harvard cheerleaders, who are sure to impress with a few very difficult cartwheels and toe touches. There also will be some sort of inter-house competition, which will definitely star several over-eager section kids. As the Harvard Band plays the one song it knows (I’m sure you’d recognize the fateful tune), the rally is bound to be a bore—unless, of course, someone gets hurt.

I might venture to say that the best part of last year’s pep rally was watching the organizer of the event getting pelted with glow sticks, and then thinking that telling everyone to stop would definitely work. Without that public humiliation to look forward to, there’s no way I’m going this year (though with Harvard student dance groups slated to perform, the potential for said humiliation may be higher than ever).

And so, for those who can’t think of anything else to do on that Thursday night, I would recommend organizing your clothes according to where they were made, painting your ceiling, or pulling your leg hairs out one by one.

The good news is that now, with no musical act booked to set up to play and then get cancelled, my friends won’t be able to convince me to go.