1. Free Finale, ’Nochs, and Nalgenes
Harvard people like creating their own clubs, but sometimes struggle to attract members to “comp” (see #4). Nothing induces Darfur concern in Harvardians like promises of “Free ’Nochs!!!” at an upcoming meeting.
2. Minority Fashion Shows While a glance around most Harvard classrooms may suggest otherwise, Harvard people love their fashion, especially when it allows them to reinforce offensive cultural stereotypes.
3. Acronyms and Abbreviations
Obvi, acrons and abbrevs r SHPL. With over 3,496 new student groups formed each semester, Harvard people fight over the best acronyms—sorry MIHNHUET (Music in Hospitals and Nursing Homes Using Entertainment as Therapy).
4. Comping
Instead of simply joining a club, Harvard students are forced to “comp”—a.k.a doing mindless bitch work and attending useless seminars.
5. Tal Ben-Shahar
Blame it on his layered accent, his unassuming presence, or his exotic name, but Tal Ben-Shahar, professor of the popular Psychology 1504: “Positive Psychology” course, is someone Harvard people love. Class enrollment shows Harvard people choose Justice over happiness, but according to the Q Guide, Ben-Shahar’s students are “HAPPIER.”
6. Open Lists
Harvard people like to complain over e-mail. A lot.
7. Brain Break
Harvard people can never have too few problem sets or too much Hemp-Plus Granola.
8. Themselves
With Veritas insignias gracing even Harvard people’s waffles, it’s obvious Harvard people are obsessed with their status as Harvard people. They’re also obsessed with reading, writing, thinking, and talking about themselves. (See #6 ).
9. Fro-yo
Frozen yogurt may be old news in cities like LA, but around campus, there’s nothing hotter than this frozen delight.
10. Socioeconomic “Diversity”
Harvard people, especially university presidents, really like to brag about campus diversity, even if many Harvard people don’t actually interact with anyone outside of their racial or socioeconomic group.
11. Creating one’s own publications
Harvard people like reading about themselves (see #8) and there’s no easier way to accomplish this than writing about Harvard...and themselves. What better way to accomplish this than through semi-legitimate student publications bound to be read by at least two people—the editor’s mother and father (often also the publication’s main financial backers).
12. Gchat
Nothing satisfies a Harvard person more than the “ping” of a Gchat message. It’s like AIM, but for smart people.
13. College Recreation
Many Harvard people never drank or hooked up in high school, so the adjustment to Harvard wasn’t all that difficult for them. In fact, Harvard people secretly like the lack of a Harvard social scene.
14. Lamont/Lamont Café
Harvard people’s favorite spot to be bored@, Lamont allows Harvard people to combine two of their favorite activities: talking about their work and not actually doing any of it. Plus, unlike in the dining halls, Lamont Café’s coffee actually has caffeine in it.
15. HUWIB: Harvard Undergraduate Women in Business
Pause...Not.
