There is no question about it: Usher must be working for the CIA. His assignment: finding the mysterious dominatrix who sends him a text message at the start of his new video “Love in This Club.”

“Who are you?” he asks earnestly. “Your every desire,” she breathes. Great—the only problem is, she seems to have mastered the art of teleportation. First she’s gyrating on the dance floor. Then she vaporizes, only to appear again with her legs sprawled over his shoulders.

With flashing, multicolored lights and cameos from celebrities like Kanye and Diddy, Usher’s task becomes even more daunting. Everything is unstable. But of course, Usher keeps his cool. Grown-up Hardy Boys never get flustered in the face of a little sexual temptation. In fact, they remember all their lines, throw in some dance moves, and manage to look terribly attractive all at the same time.

Near the end of the video Usher finally traps his femme fatale against the wall. She turns around and pretends to give in to his plea “Let’s make love”—but only for a second. Unsurprisingly, she vanishes again, leaving Usher aroused and, frankly, down-right confused. He walks out of the club in search of her or perhaps the wallet that she surely pick-pocketed.

At this point we find out that the club doesn’t actually exist. He emerges from a ruined structure that’s simply the site onto which Usher projects his sexual fantasy. So he isn’t actually working for the CIA, just engaging in some auto-erotic pleasure. Some people buy toys. Usher plays with videos.

—Ama R. Francis