Imagine a movie that takes “Knocked Up,” combines it with “Superbad,” and then sprinkles some “Napoleon Dynamite” on top. That sounds like a great movie, right? It probably would be, but such a teen-pregnancy-movie-spawn has not actually been conceived.

When I first saw “Juno,” I remember leaving the theater and calling the first person that came up on my phone just to tell them I had seen the worst movie since “AI” or “Bicentennial Man.” I—a man who can find redeemable parts even in movies like the universally-panned “Resident Evil: Apocalypse”­—was utterly underwhelmed, deeply annoyed, and simply angry.

Weeks passed, and people suddenly started telling me to see “Juno.” When I told them I hated it, they not only looked surprised but also disgusted. “You even liked ‘28 Weeks Later,’” my friend said to me with a shocked glare on his face.

The weeks passed, the critics raved, and “Juno” did well in the box office. Everyone loved it; it was like “Little Miss Sunshine” had grown up and made some bad decisions.

The largest blow to my sense of the moviegoing public, though, came just recently, when the Academy Award nominees were announced.

Among several disappointments, including the snubs of “American Gangster” and “Into the Wild,” were four nominations the horrible movie that everyone so desperately loves, little miss “Juno.” To my complete chagrin, it got nods for best picture, actress (the annoying Ellen Page), director, and screenplay.

I had woken up fairly early to see the results, but quickly got back into bed after having my entire day ruined. I lay there thinking, “Why am I the only person that hates this movie?”

I quickly decided it wasn’t a moral issue. Pregnancy, especially teen pregnancy, can be very funny: “Saved!” and Lifetime’s TV movie, “Too Young to Be a Dad,” are just two great examples. If anyone’s being preachy, it’s protagonist Juno herself or her pro-life classmate, Su-Chin, who accosts her outside the abortion clinic in the movie.

I got closer to figuring out my problem with the film when I considered the supporting cast. Headlined by Jennifer Garner and “Arrested Development” favorites Jason Bateman and Michael Cera, “Juno” seemed poised to be a great, funny, well-acted film. It wasn’t.

Jennifer Garner was high-strung and anxious, as if she were in an episode of “Alias.” The only role Michael Cera’s capable of playing—the aloof and awkward George Michael of “Arrested Development”—worked well in the hit “Superbad,” but made for a strange, apathetic teenage dad-to-be in the context of “Juno.” The charm of his gaucheness completely disappeared.

Jason Bateman, however, was by far the most disappointing character. Instead of being the saving comedic grace for the film, the character written for him was strange, creepy, pedophilic, and—above all—not funny. Was I the only one to pick up on the moment where he actually comes on to the knocked-up, 16-year-old Juno?

The supporting roles pale in comparison to Page’s portrayal of Juno.

New York Times’ A.O. Scott called Page “poised [and] frighteningly talented,” and I wondered for a moment if he had accidentally misplaced a description of Denzel Washington from “American Gangster.” I wondered that, for if I had been writing his review, I would have said something more along the lines of, “as cold and empty as space.”

Ultimately, I think the reason why moviegoers and critics alike have enjoyed this film is because it avoids preachiness and hones in on the humor of a typically dramatic situation. Though I have no outstanding problem with this model, I found Ellen Page’s portrayal of this character unbearable on a fundamental level.

This idea of a cynical old lady in the body of a pre-pubescent looking, 16-year-old girl is simply not funny in the context of “Juno.” I’m sure people grinned at the big screen when witty little Juno delivered one blasé retort after another, but while they found it cute, I found it unsettling. At the end of it, I couldn’t help but see Page as just a girl with a cute face and what is probably the most annoying voice I have ever heard in my entire life.

What’s more is that her character delivers what should be a frightening message to anyone who sees this film: that not giving a shit is cool. The reality is that Juno isn’t alone in her obnoxious wittiness and is joined by a growing number of youth who seem utterly passionless and anhedonic. Take, for example, a funny yet cautionary article by David Hochman that was recently published in Details Magazine with the title, “Are you Raising a Douchebag?” The subtitle simply read, “Your indulgent parenting is spawning a generation of entitled hipster brats.”

Maybe Juno was cute and endearing when she was just like every other 16-year-old waiting to get a driver’s license, but the expecting Juno is not “frighteningly talented” so much as she’s frightening. In an era when a trashy Louisianan mother sells the pregnancy story of her underage, Nickelodeon-star daughter to a tabloid, I can’t help but feel uneasy when a movie portrays a young girl who doesn’t even seem remotely affected by her own pregnancy.

Maybe I’m just more into passion and drama, but I think most people would agree that a subject like teen pregnancy doesn’t need annoying apathy in order to be funny. I hope someone makes the movie I first described someday and gets its own Oscar noms.

If, on an outside chance, “Juno” does manage to win an Oscar I hope I don’t have to watch it and listen to Ellen Page’s annoying voice. Writer’s strike: I need you right now.

—Columnist Andrew F. Nunnelly can be reached at nunnelly@fas.harvard.edu.