THE WAY OF THE WORLD: A STORY OF TRUTH AND HOPE IN AN AGE OF EXTREMISM

by Ron Suskind

New York City, photographed from afar, stretches across an expanse of white. Clouds roll in, dark gray, pregnant with metaphorical portent. What we have here, the front flap tells us, is “a startling look at how America lost its way.” It’s never exactly clear how or with respect to what America lost its way, and to be honest, I have no idea what this book is about—but look! There, peeking out from behind the clouds! It’s the incandescent glow of Suskind’s benevolent wisdom, a glow that the Pulitzer Prize bestows on all its recipients. I was going to take a peek at Suskind’s author photo, but then I remembered that incandescent wisdom-auras can’t be photographed. They can only be basked in.









HOT, FLAT, AND CROWDED: WHY WE NEED A GREEN REVOLUTION—AND HOW IT CAN RENEW AMERICA

by Thomas L. Friedman

The painting that stretches across the top and bottom thirds of this hardback is the middle panel of “The Garden of Earthly Delights,” a 16th-century triptych by Hieronymous Bosch. The painting depicts, among many other things, naked people and imaginary creatures fiddling around with one another’s orifices. Art historians agree that these fanciful beings are having a good, sexy time, but what in the Sam Hill kind of revolution is Friedman arguing for? Something is afoot, and it isn’t fluorescent lightbulbs or recycling. “Flat” is innocuous enough, but “Hot?” “Crowded?” I turn nervously to the back flap. There’s Friedman, his moustache a hairy smear across his upper lip. Dude looks like a 70s swinger.













DECLARE YOURSELF: SPEAK, CONNECT, ACT, VOTE

by Declare Yourself

This book, aimed at teenagers, includes essays by 50 people on the importance of democratic participation. Apparently, Tyra Banks contributed. Now this next bit isn’t quite related to the book, but here is how Ms. Banks revealed her biggest beauty secret on “The Tyra Banks Show:” “I’m about to reveal my BIGGEST BEAUTY SECRET EVER! EVER!! YES!!!...Now during the break we had some really hunky boys that brought out these very special boxes to our studio audience, and inside the boxes is my no sell super-duper skin-saving EYE AND ANYTHING CREAM!!!...DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!! ONE...TWO...THREE...OPEN THEM OPEN THEM OPEN THEM OPEN THEM IT’S VASELINE!!! YOU GET VASELINE AND YOU GET VASELINE AND YOU GET VASELINE...AAAAAAAAHHHHHHGGGHHHH! I use it morning, noon, and night, you guys. YOUR WILDEST DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE!!!”

Fifty cents says Tyra thinks Barack Obama is a new kind of pilates.

—Richard S. Beck