You are cordially invited to Katy Perry’s wedding, a wedding that boasts a not-so-straight bride, an adolescent-looking groom, a bridal party, and a zebra. As the baby-faced Alexander gets cold feet, the maid of honor—a not-so-handsome man in a very handsome dress—delivers the perfect “Oh my God, you scumbag; I can’t believe you haven’t answered yet” face. Then, as the bridal party inexplicably begins to dance, a black groomsman with the most awesome dreads pulls out the best dance moves of the entire crowd—he even beats the priest. You just don’t see that kind of intensity everyday.
As Alexander flees, he takes out his aggression on a giant hot dog, which is unfortunate, as starving kids in India would have rather enjoyed that meal. He gets his karmic retribution moments later when Katy Perry’s scary-ass entourage of similarly jilted brides begins to circle him, menacingly wielding baseball bats. The mascara-streaked faces and torn clothes are reminiscent of MJ’s “Thriller,” except these girls are a bit livelier. The emotional, “love bi-polar” brides are absolutely terrifying as they chase Alexander down an alley. I’m surprised the little boy didn’t start to cry.
But please note, ladies: I do think that Katy Perry steals her boy back with her crazy dance moves. She’s particularly stellar when she is surrounded by her crazy brides. However, it’s always disappointing to realize that, just because you are white, you will never be able to dance like her back-up singers do in the end. If I could moonwalk, I’d be the happiest girl in the world. Yet the whole moment of dance-induced euphoria is kind of ruined when Perry returns with the zebra. What the fuck is up with the zebra?
—Brianne Corcoran
Read more in Arts
Opera Boston Misses Its Mark with ‘Der Freischütz’Recommended Articles
-
Put on Your Dancing GumbootsThe arts scene at Harvard has seen a proliferation in the number of dance groups on campus. One such group
-
Yale vs. Princeton at PrincetonYale and Princeton will meet in their annual football game today at Princeton. In spite of the tie game with
-
Mad 'Diary' Fans Denounce CriticsPerhaps the only people angrier than Diary of a Mad Black Woman ’s title character are the film’s legion of
-
Top Navajo Court Convenes at HLSThe Supreme Court of the Navajo Nation held oral arguments in Harvard Law School’s Ames Courtroom yesterday, marking just the
-
Recap: ‘You Get What You Need’ Devastating and Magnificent