It’s finally springtime, and you’re just about to head out to the beach to work on your tan when you realize you have nothing to read. You know you want something appropriately spring-y, but it can’t be too air-headed, because others on the beach will see you reading and judge you—and the book—by its cover.

ON CHESIL BEACH: A NOVEL by Ian McEwan

It’s beachy, but serious-style beachy. Clearly this is no frivolous tale of surf and sun: there’s some foreboding darkness in the top right corner and a solitary girl staring out at the deep blue. That’s kinda what you’re doing on the beach, right? She’s probably contemplating profound thoughts while trying to remember what SPF her sunscreen was—just like you. Yes, everyone at the beach will take you very seriously with this one.

BODY SURFING: A NOVEL by Anita Shreve

This item not only has the word “body” in the title but also has a girl standing thigh-high in water, while wearing a skin-color bikini that makes her appear naked. This is obviously intended to remind you and all curious beachgoers sneaking a peak at your reading material that “sex on the beach” can be more than just a drink. And even if that isn’t the intention of the author, at least the sunshine glinting on the ocean and the girl’s carefree body language will make you want to get in the water and enjoy the season.

HIGH NOON by Nora Roberts

Anyone staring at the cover of this book is sure to be blinded either by the glare of the sun hitting its monochromatic orange palette or by the absurd ratio of author-letter size to title-letter size. Even if they do squint at the cover long enough to read the title, you’ll still look mysterious because they’ll have no idea what it’s about—a book titled “High Noon” with a large sun in the middle. Talk about keeping the ending a secret.