3. Anything produced by chimpanzees. No, seriously, there’s an exhibition planned Dec. 19-21 at the Ross School in East Hampton, New York that will be showcasing the work of chimpanzees who have been taught art as a therapy through which they can deal with the angst they feel at being captive. (If you raise one eyebrow skeptically, I won’t hold it against you.)



2. Any art Cosimo Cavallaro creates. Last Easter, the man who once covered an entire house with string cheese finished “My Sweet Lord,” a 200-pound dark chocolate depiction of Jesus Christ. 200 pounds of dark chocolate! That could have been eaten and released all sorts of good hormones, good feelings, and good will into the world. Instead, the chocolate Jesus (or, more specificically, its bared penis), engendered death threats and the angry rhetoric of Bill Donohue, President of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights, who condemned the artwork for being “an all-out war on Christianity.”



1. Diamond encrusted skulls. Let’s just state the facts about Damien Hirst’s “For the Love of God.” It’s a human skull made of platinum and smothered in diamonds—8,601 diamonds, to be precise. If that weren’t obnoxious enough, it sold for $100 million, which was paid to the artist in cash (straight up). Luda, you might have what “feels like a midget hanging from my necklace,” but the members of the mystery investment firm that purchased this (revolting) display of conspicuous consumption can now sport an entire human skull worth of bling-a-ling if they so choose.

—Sanders I. Bernstein ’10 is the incoming Books editor. In addition to contemporary concept art, he hates candy, children, and Christmas.