“An Inconvenient Truth: Adapted for a New Generation” by Al Gore

I was pretty surprised to see Al Gore’s wise gaze on display at The Coop’s Kid’s Holiday Books stand, until I saw the blue banner “Adapted for a new generation from The New York Times bestseller” emblazoned across the top. What better gift can you give your kids this holiday season than the fear that it will never snow again? I only hope that there isn’t a two-dimensional rendering of the movie’s animation of the last polar bear drowning. Six months after seeing that, I still wake up crying at night.

“George’s Secret Key to the Universe” by Lucy & Stephen Hawking

Whatever happened to books like Beverly Cleary’s “The Mouse and the Motorcycle?” Between Hawking and Gore, it seems like there’s a conspiracy to mix education and children’s gifts. This book operates under the theory that if it’s shiny enough, I’ll buy it. Which, to be honest, is a pretty good assumption. Between the silver front and the back cover’s picture of three kids and a pig running through space, I’m ready to get a copy for every single one of my 15 cousins.

“Someday This Pain will be Useful to You” by Peter Cameron

Frankly, I’m kind of insulted by the premise of this title. What does Peter Cameron know about my pain? Who is Peter Cameron, anyway? I would normally assume that the boy drawn on the front is putting his hand in front of his face like that because of a headache, or maybe even deep, adolescent angst. But unlike Peter Cameron, I don’t like to make assumptions. For all I know, the boy could be studying palmistry.