Last week, two independent researchers published studies in which they were able to successfully develop stem cells from non-embryonic human tissue, silencing the moral qualms many Americans have with the use of embryos for the same purpose. President George W. Bush hopped right on to the scene with a self-congratulatory press release. He was quick to remind everyone that his administration is the first to fund such research and that he is very pleased with the results.

But the knowledge that Bush is “very pleased” to be “the first president to make federal funds available for human embryonic stem cell research” wasn’t quite enough to make everybody grateful this Thanksgiving. One of the scientists involved in the advance, James Thompson, pointed out that Bush’s “ethical” approach (i.e. repeatedly vetoing bills that would loosen regulations on the research) is what set stem cell research back about four years. Bush is taking credit for funding a particular area of science when he was in fact one of the main opponents (fiscally and vocally) of what many scientists believe to be the most promising area of the research: human embryos.

True, it may be factually accurate that Bush is the first president to provide federal funding for this type of research. I can’t help but suspect, however, that the pool of contenders for the title is relatively small. I’m sure Taft or Lincoln would have enjoyed that kind of street cred and mad props, but when it came to the scientific induction of pluripotent stem cells from adult human fibroblasts, I guess they just couldn’t tear themselves away from getting stuck in bathtubs and freeing slaves (respectively) to log enough hours in the lab or scrape together the bread for clonogenic assays. You snooze, you lose, Abe.

And while we’re taking credit for things that other people discovered using minimal federal funding, why stop there? In fact, anything produced and transported in the 50 states (and such exotic lands as Puerto Rico, among other colonial interests) must necessarily use taxpayer dollars allocated by the government—at the very least, in the form of roads or law enforcement—so our humble president has certainly got some countable successes to notch on to his bedpost. Heaven forbid we forget that George W. Bush was the first—in fact, the only—president in office when the iPhone was invented. And can you recall who was running our nation’s executive branch during the publication of “The Da Vinci Code”? The list doesn’t stop there. Without President Bush’s monetary involvement, Taco Bell may never have produced such recent treasures as the Crunchwrap Supreme. ¡Felicidades, Señor Presidente!

These semantic questions might do a lot less to solve the stem cell problem than those researchers in Wisconsin and Japan did last week, but they do tell us a little about the mind of the man in charge. In the end, perhaps Bush’s attitude can lend us some perspective about what we ought to value in America. Instead of striving for scientific progress, revolutionary strides in improving health or even moral integrity, let’s just sit back and count our world records.

Sarah C. McKetta ’08-’09, a Crimson editorial editor, is a biological anthropology concentrator in Winthrop House.