Lady and the Tramp



For those of you who dare to defame your favorite Disney childhood memories, the 50th Anniversary-Special Edition-Buy Me Now version of “Lady and the Tramp” is out on limited release.

If you can’t live without the story of a spoiled, aristocratic canine defying her high birth to mingle with a common mutt, then dig out your favorite family heirloom crystal tumbler, have the cook prepare plate of Italian food, and get sloshed with this underdog’s challenge.



TAKE A SHOT:



1. During each “Coming Attraction” that makes you realize that Disney is now scraping the bottom of the proverbial creative barrel.

2. When you realize you’re already bored during the opening credits.

3. Take two shots when you hear the line that’s in every dog-based movie since Lassie: “She’s trying to tell us something!”

4. Whenever you hear an annoying pun on the word “dog.”

Example: “Doggone!”

5. When you reach the infamous “Italian-Resaurant Scene,” and realize that two random Italian dudes are trying to help Tramp get it on with an uptown girl lapdog.

6. If you’re a wee bit turned on when Tramp fights off evil dogs/rats for his Lady.

7. At every reference to Tramp’s immense sex appeal and his numerous girlfriends.

8. When you realize that Tramp is…um…kind of a pimp.

9. When you realize that Tramp gets...um...more action than you have since college started.

10. If you ever wonder why Lady isn’t named ‘the Tramp’ after she spends the night in the park with a random mongrel and gets arrested.

11. When you notice that Peg, the saucy, lounge-singing pound ruffian, looks like Goldie Hawn…only better.

12. If you notice the Yale reference in Jim Dear and Darling’s baby preparation. Honestly, the snobbery of this aristocratic family has “Yale Legacy” written all over it.

—Mollie K. Wright