Before trailing outgoing University President Lawrence H. Summers last Wednesday to his Dunster House pep rally—checking Harvard IDs and providing tighter security than at a rock concert—it was just business as usual for Harvard University Police Department (HUPD) this past week.



SALACIOUS SNAPSHOTS?

8:55 a.m.—An alleged early-morning voyeur at the Malkin Athletic Center was reportedly snapping “inappropriate” pictures at the gym last Thursday, Feb. 16. HUPD officers checked out the would-be photographer and determined that he or she was, in fact, authorized to be there. His candid snapshots were deemed appropriate, police say.



STEALING KNOWLEDGE

3:36 p.m.—One eager individual reportedly attempted to gain access to a Harvard education—without ponying up the funds. Police searched William James Hall last Thursday for the sneaky intellectual, who was said to have attended classes without authorization. The search did not turn up the suspect.



LOKER LOITERER

6:16 p.m.—A trespasser in Loker Commons was apprehended by police last Friday, Feb. 17. After failing to find any outstanding warrants in the trespasser’s name, police requested that the individual leave the premises. Complaints will be sought against the evening loiterer.



POTTY PERSISTENCE

9:32 a.m.—A bathroom lingerer refused to leave the restroom at Au Bon Pain last Saturday, Feb. 18, prompting officers to head to the scene. Once there, HUPD officers sent the party-pooper on his or her way.



BRIC-A-BRAC

12:48 a.m.—Complainants near 20 DeWolfe St. contacted police regarding a group of six who were chucking bricks last Sunday, Feb. 19. The wannabe midnight-masons had dispersed upon police arrival.



NAKED KNOCKING

1:29 p.m.—A group reportedly knocked on a door at Eliot House entryway F mid-day last Sunday—sans clothes. Two months late for primal scream, the nude knockers were gone by the time police arrived.



PUTTING OUT FIRES

12:31 a.m.—Police responded to a fire alarm at the Fairchild Biochemistry Building last Tuesday to find a fourth-floor biology experiment gone awry. A beaker of ethanol had turned over and ignited, the experimenters told police that night. They cleaned it up, and one was treated for minor burns at University Health Services. By the time the smoke had cleared, Cambridge Fire Department and Facilities Maintenance Operations had reported to the scene.



LEFT BEHIND

11:27 a.m.—Reports of two unattended packages left at 77 Ave. Louis Pasteur sent police to the scene last Thursday, Feb. 16. The owner of the forsaken parcels was found and police determined that no suspicious mail activity had actually occurred. An unattended backpack hanging over the garbage bins outside Widener Library was reported to police last Saturday, Feb. 18. But the trashed bag was, in fact, trash.



STOLEN GOODS

1:33 a.m.—A Dell laptop computer and a DVD player, valued collectively at $2750, were swiped on Wednesday at the Harvard Extension School. Later that day, another laptop valuing $1750 was heisted at the Spangler Center on Western Avenue and an Infocus projector valued at almost $3900 was stolen that afternoon at 1230 Soldiers Field Rd.