Bambi II

Directed by Brian Pimental

Buena Vista Pictures



If a sequel to the 1942 classic “Bambi,” featuring the Prince of the Forest as a well-intentioned but clueless single dad and Bambi himself dealing with bullies and girls, isn’t enough to drive you to drink, I don’t know what is.

If that’s not enough, the 60-year gap between the original and the sequel proves that there is no statute of limitations for Disney’s plundering of their own former brilliance. Whatever the reason, I don’t advise watching this movie sober, so grab a bottle of whatever’s handy and prepare to desecrate your childhood.



TAKE A SHOT:



1. Every time a character is established as cute via a speech impediment.

2. Every time Bambi attempts to prove his courage and winds up injured. Also, point and laugh.

3. Every time you think that the movie is establishing the main plot. Take another shot when you realize that you were fooled and there is no plot.

4. Whenever you find yourself cheering for a villain. Take another shot every time you yourself feel a sudden desire to go hunting.

5. Every time a song uses the words ‘love,’ ‘spring,’ or ‘heart.’ Four shots if two or more are used in the same sentence.

6. Every time you can’t tell what words a song uses because of the egregious backup choir and orchestration abuse.

7. Every time the Prince of the Forest proves himself to be a terrible parent. Take three more shots when he and Bambi end up with a good relationship despite the Prince’s cruelty and attempted abandonment.

8. Every time the coming-of-age story rips off “The Lion King.” Then, drunk-dial the Disney animation team and ask why they can’t stick to destroying one move at a time.

9. Take a Ritalin with your shot when you realize that a hyperactive child can probably sit still through this movie while you cannot.