In the spirit of the season, we believe that now is the perfect time to reflect on the state of life at Harvard and to take note of what can be done better. At Harvard, many of us ultimately aim to change the world. In our quests for greatness, however, we tend to overlook the little things that, while perhaps not the banes of civilization, still sort of suck. We believe that these small and humble requests will profoundly alter life in Cambridge, and provide a foundation upon which a Harvard revolution can stand strong. Or, they’ll just be 10 fewer things to complain about. In either case, without further ado, we present our annual Christmahanakwanzakah Wish List.
Ten.
Toilet seat covers in all Harvard public bathrooms. Squatting is hard on the thigh muscles, and no one, let alone the busy Harvard Man, has time to stand in a stall carefully placing individual toilet paper squares around the perimeter of the seat. Thankfully, the good folks at Lamont Library have already recognized the need for these germ blocking devices. Here’s hoping the rest of the University follows suit.Nine.
Get rid of the rancid smell in front of Winthrop. We don’t know what it is. We don’t want to know what it is. But you know what we’re talking about, and it’s gross. By any means necessary, be it the planting of some fragrant trees or the reworking of Harvard’s sanitation system (and green flush handles do not constitute reworking), the removal of this odor is imperative. River-dwellers can do without this daily olfactory assault.Eight.
A 24-hour Felipe’s. With beer. And margaritas. Who could ask for more than cheap eats and tasty alcoholic beverages? It would be a true slice of Santa Fe in our very own Square.Seven.
A crosswalk between Old Leverett and Leverett Towers. What should be a benign trip to experience the glory of Leverett Dining Hall has become an escalating game of Russian roulette. We cower when we cross DeWolfe St., unaided by any white lines painted on the asphalt, and the speeding cars waffle between letting us pass or flooring it. For the sake of our safety, a crosswalk and a "Careful…Bunny Crossing" sign are in order.Six.
Put the mural panels in front of Dunster back in their proper order. As much fun as we might have trying to sound out what they say now ("Lev-duns-ma-rett?"), the aesthetic effects are less than pleasing. If the construction must continue, at least we could have something coherent to look at when we stare out our windows at 7 a.m., cursing the day jackhammers were invented.Five.
A purpose for the Women’s Center. We’re halfway through the year, and it seems that this much-anticipated safe haven has yet to find its heart. After all, free copies and cookie dough do not a Women’s Center make. To its credit, the Women’s Center is still searching, too, and continues to ask students what it should be doing. But in the New Year, we look forward to fewer e-mails asking what the Women’s Center should do, and more e-mails about what it’s actually doing. (In the meantime, we’ll continue to enjoy the free coffee.)Four.
Remove the derelict bikes that line Plympton St. It’s happened to us all at least once: rushing up Plympton on our way to class, we step a little bit too freely, one of the bikes topples over, and everyone stares. No one wants to be that kid. And the sidewalk is hardly wide enough for two people to pass, let alone pass around a bike with a crooked seat and two bent tires. We propose that the bikes be sold by the University, to facilitate our next wish…Three.
Nalgene water bottles for all incoming freshmen. We don’t want to have to smile and sell our souls at career fairs anymore to obtain these handy drink holders. Harvard (Summer) School kids get them, so why don’t we? We’re special, too!Two.
Osama bin Laden at the John F. Kennedy Jr. Forum. And you thought Mohammed Khatami was offensive! Maybe big OBL holds the key to world peace. Maybe not. Either way, this should be easy on Harvard’s wallet: we’re fairly certain that Mitt Romney won’t balk at providing state police "security" for this guest speaker.One.
Larry Summers for president. Of the world. Or at least Harvard.With these 10 tiny tweaks, Harvard could give Disney World a run for its money in the "Happiest Place on Earth" competition. Or maybe it would just be a bit less stinky and dangerous in some places, and a lot more yummy in others. And that’s good enough for us. So Santa, baby, hurry down the chimney tonight.
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