5. “Antigone.” Harvard students get enough of dormcest and leaves of absence, much less incest and exile. Sophocles may have been the most important Greek playwright ever, but this is one case where “sex, lies, and patricide” is really pushing it.

4. “The Father.” See #1. Never forget: One Strindberg play is enough Swedish depression, paranoia, and angst for a generation of Harvard students, and “Pelican” already ran last semester.

3. “Death of a Salesman.” The story of Willie Loman’s downfall and the death of the American Dream would hit just a little too close to home for all the future i-bankers here.

2. “Waiting for Godot.” Putting up this famously inscrutable play on campus would give us all even more of an excuse to bandy about words like “existentialism” and “Ubermensch” with reckless abandon, and that’s just dangerous.

1. “Moulin Rouge.” No. (I know that Moulin Rouge isn’t a play per se, and my apologies to all those who really like the movie, but I really do have nightmares about some form of it being put up in the Ag.)

—Mary A. Brazelton ’08 is the incoming Arts Monday editor. Her incredible knowledge of theater makes her a force to be reckoned with—doesn’t she look intimidating?