Before you rush out to see “Rocky Balboa”—the sixth and most unnecessary film in this hilariously classic series—take the time to review five moments that helped make the film you couldn’t help but love into the joke you just couldn’t resist:

5. Every moment with Mr. T (“Rocky III”)—If you really don’t know why this made the list, you need to go watch yourself some “A-Team.”

4. Protégé-turned-no-good-punk Tommy Gunn comes between Rocky and his son; Rock kicks Gunn’s ass in parking lot (“Rocky V”)—Rocky is a family man, and if you don’t believe me, you can try talking to the champ’s fists. Punk.

3. “Touch me and I’ll sue” (“Rocky V”)— Rocky’s response? A punch to the face.

2. Rival Apollo Creed becomes Rocky’s homoerotic pal (“Rocky III”)—Clad in bold 80s colors and far-too-short shorts, the duo race down the beach and into the ocean, where they proceed to do one of those spinning slo-mo hugs. This somehow shows that Rocky has regained the “eye of the tiger.”

1. Soviet boxer Ivan Drago kills all-American Apollo Creed (“Rocky IV”)—The Cold War turns hot, though not as hot as the tears that are sure to roll down your cheeks. Inspired by this incident, President Reagan decides to end global communism and initiate the thousand-year reign of peace and prosperity we enjoy today.

—Patrick R. Chesnut ’09 is the incoming Books editor. He throws a mean left hook and eats raw eggs for breakfast.