There are several forces pulling at the Hit Single these days, with the convenience of myTunes reintroducing our short attention spans to the full-length LP and FM radio’s influence dwindling in college because none of us drive. Pop music now has to find other ways to seep into our consciousness—to find new, pulsing veins through which to get us addicted and to get these songs into our heads. I won’t claim to know how they do it, but Billboard must have its ways—because as slow-moving and tiresome as their weekly lists sometimes are, they’re usually dead on. For this reason, the national charts should be hawked and combed for the prettiest, the funniest, and the most modern on a regular basis. William “Bloody” Swygart of Stylus Magazine (big ups!) essentially invented this genre with his weekly rundown of the UK Top 20, and I warn you now that this Billboard adaptation won’t be nearly as good. Also, FYI, my favorite band is Eminem.

10. Kelly Clarkson – Breakaway

Reminds me of Sheryl Crow. I’d expect nothing less, I guess. Another one by this girl coming up next.

9. Kelly Clarkson – Since U Been Gone

This is actually quite good! Could have been a really great single in Avril’s hands. It sounds familiar, and if I wasn’t such a busy dude I might look it up to see if it was a cover.

8. Snoop Dogg ft. Pharell – Drop It Like It’s Hot

Single of the year, so far. The video looks like an iPod commercial, and the minimalism of the beat makes me question even my own masterful production work on FruityLoops. “Drop It Like It’s Hot,” incidentally, is probably the Neptunes’ last gasp.

7. 50 Cent – Disco Inferno

Basically a remake of Lloyd Banks’ “On Fire.” No memorable lines, but I love it anyway. 50 Cent has developed an incredibly rhythmic, playful flow, and the new album might well top the first one. On a recent mixtape, 50 tells his detractors to go “record a fucking ‘We Are The World’ track or something.” He also tells them to get off the sidewalk, because as everybody knows, “the sidewalk is for pimping!”

6. The Game ft. 50 Cent – How We Do

A nice enough song. The whole album’s really pretty good. I can’t wait until Benzino or Ja Rule records a diss track calling him “The Gay” though. Probably won’t happen, but the unfortunate thing is, they’ve almost definitely thought of it.

5. Lil’ Jon and the Eastside Boys ft. Ludacris and Usher—Lovers and Friends

This on the other hand is so fucking necessary. An amazing, unexpected followup to “Yeah!” which also happens to be a SLOW JAM SUNG IN PART BY LIL’ JON. Absolutely huge: Lil’ Jon solves the eternal problem of unrequited love by asking, very directly, “Are you sure you want to go this route? Let me know before I pull it out.” Who knew it could be so easy?

4. Green Day- Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Billie Joe Armstrong and company seem to have really matured. That said, it’s unclear why this is a useful development.