Dear Nikki,

Whenever I go out with my fellow guy friends to a club and we approach some girls dancing, they always­—without a doubt—whisper to one another while dancing with us. What does this whispering mean?

—Dejected Dancer

Well, stud muffin. I have to be honest with you: whispering is not your golden sign from above that a girl is interested in you (or even in dancing with you.) However, don’t feel dejected, dancer boy. All is not lost. Whispering among girls does not mean that they are disgusted by you (or that they are secretly making fun of you.)

The club scene is an interesting one, mostly because everyone has different goals once making it past the bouncer, the coat check, and onto the dance floor. After conducting very thorough empirical study (i.e. chatting with a couple of my friends), I am of the opinion that the dance floor is divided by chromosomes. In general, a group of guys will go to a club to seek out girls while a group of girls will go to a club simply to drink, dance, and have a good time with one another. According to many girls, if they happen to meet some guys in the process, that’s fine but of secondary focus, while men seem to be on a more focused hunt for the femme du jour (de la nuit?)

Apart from this difference in objective, the club scene is difficult to navigate if only because of the abundance of strangers, the overpowering noise, and the influence of alcohol.

When a group of girls is dancing together and some guys approach them, it can be awkward—even “against the code”—for some girls to break away from the group, leaving others in the dust. So the whispering may stem from the very uncertainty of how the girls should act. And even if their goals are clear, whispering is a nervous impulse and a way to establish security in an uncertain situation. In fact, the girls probably can’t even hear what the others are saying.

Conclusion: The whispering may not be about you at all. You should take the fact that the girls are still around as a good sign, because if they thought you were sketchy or didn’t want to dance with you, they would have made a quick and easy exit using the perennial bathroom excuse.

The point is that there’s basically nothing you can do to change this social phenomenon. Inquiring about the content of their whispers has a low chance of securing you an answer. And pulling the girls apart from one another would probably be more scary than suave. And no matter what, approaching girls dancing is inherently awkward—even if smoothed over by alcohol consumption.

One thing you should make sure of is that you’re comfortable in your approach. Just as dogs can sense fear, girls can sense awkwardness or insecurity. So, just do it. And don’t worry about their whispers. Worst case scenario, they’re not interested. And you move onto the next “pack” of girls dancing. And have a good time dancing. If you’re having fun, they’ll want to have fun with you. Of course, they’ll have to consult one another first.

Get your groove on,
Nikki



Dear Nikki,

Whenever my roommates and I throw a party, there always seems to be a small group of people that we don’t know very well who just won’t leave at the end of the night. Is there a subtle way to tell them to get out?

—Heated Host


Learning the art of tact will no doubt take you far in life. And, furthermore, it will keep you from forming (too many) enemies during your four years here.

So, I suggest that you least attempt to start with subtlety. You could try the typical “I’m getting kind of sleepy,” the “Wow, it is getting REALLY late,” or the “I have so much to do tomorrow.” While in theory this should be enough to get them out (that would make life simple, right?), somehow these carefully veiled eviction notices just don’t get through to people.

If this is the case, you and your roommates could attempt the “desertion technique”—running into one of your bedrooms to have a private conversation and hope that the stragglers (still!) mingling in the common room will feel excluded enough to leave.

There is, of course, always the option to freak them out. You could start yelling obscenities from the bathroom. You could start a game of “Trivial Pursuit: Genius Edition.” Or, better yet, strip down naked and hope they’ll run away.

If these “intruders” still don’t get the hint after all of your indirect techniques, you may have to resort to bluntness. I mean, being courteous only gets you so far in life, right? Plus, despite the “nice guy” reputation you may have, these room dwellers probably don’t deserve the courtesy at this point.

A short and (un)sweet, “Get out” should suffice, even if you throw a little “please” onto the end. Or if this is too crude for your liking, just tack on an excuse like “because I have to shampoo my hair.” If they still won’t leave, call the nearest varsity athlete and have the lingering offenders hauled out into the cold.

At the very least, I suppose you should feel flattered that people actually want to stick around your room so late into the evening. Take home message: Aim for politeness, but recognize the limits. Sometimes you just have to tell it like it is.


Now get out,
Nikki


—“Dear Nikki” runs on Mondays. Send letters to DearNikki@thecrimson.com. Letters will be published anonymously.