The Isis Club’s punch book became public knowledge late Wednesday night
after it was discovered that the Isis’ e-mail list was not password
protected.
Just one of many archived e-mails that were recovered from
the all-women final club, the punch book lists the potential members
(or “punches”) whose first names begin with the letters A through Kr;
each entry is followed by a compendium of anonymous comments made by
club members.
Final clubs are targets for those who are envious of not
belonging or for those seldom few who harbor objections to elitism on
moral principles. From this envy and disdain, stereotypes have emanated
widely. But, at least for Isis, some of the worst stereotypes of
Harvard’s private social organizations seem to be proved true—the punch
book is an extravaganza of vapidity, cattiness, self-praise, and
insecurity.
Let’s begin with the most amusing offenses, those of poor diction, which run rampant throughout the punch book.
“Super”—as in “I’m not super impressed” or “She is super personable” — is liberally employed.
The term “literally” is also used, à la middle school, on
occasions where something is not at all literal, such as “she is
literally crazy” or “she literally LOVES everyone.”
And before reading the Isis punch book, I assumed that the
superfluous add-ons “like” and “totally” were confined to spoken
English. How wrong I was...One member vents, “She also totally asked me
to get breakfast with her at 7:30 am on a Friday. I don’t know—just
like, why would you ask anyone that?”
It suffices to say that the biggest word used in the punch book is the curious term “dimensionality.”
Also included are little hints as to what Isis members do with their time.
After “putting up with a second rather annoying punch,” one
member-to-be “stuck around and we had a great convo, even went
(successful) shoe shopping together!”
Or, “we ended up sitting and laughing for like an hour and a half. Then my blockmates came down and we all just kept chilling.”
Or even, as in the case of a member who “didn’t feel an instant
connection” with one punch: “And since Isis isn’t *necessarily* about
all of us being best friends all the time...I would vote to have [name
redacted] in because I bet she’s a blast to hang out with in the kind
of settings we often find ourselves in as a club.”
And what kind of situations might those be? “I’m interested
to see how she does in a more ‘party’ (read: boozefest) setting.”
(That’s not my parenthetical statement, by the way).
Undeterred by the “flava” of Isis, there are nonetheless some
who seek membership in this haven of inebriated ditzes. For those, a
harsh calculus awaits.
“Really cute but a little concerned that she was trying too hard,” is one member’s summation of a punch.
In the same vein: “I got the sense that she was trying really hard. Maybe too hard.”
And rounding out the trifecta: “We need to cut her, omigod now. Tried way way way too hard. Outgoing but not in a good way.”
Occasionally, there’s an attempt at being a bit more concrete:
“I have concluded that she is boring and has almost a self-serving
attitude.”
Another member chimes in, “My impression is that if she wasn’t pretty, she wouldn’t get so much attention.”
And then there’s the punch who is ironically condemned for
“fake smiling.” Heavens forfend that anyone should think members of the
Isis were faking it in any way.
Some punches are dismissed simply: “Give her the axe” or “She’s so CUT it’s not even funny.”
Other dismissals are counterintuitive. “I think she could go on
to the next event, but definitely won’t make it into the club.” Or,
“CUT She was nice and talkative. Can’t really see her going all the
way.”
Those who envy to enter the final club fray should take
heart. If the banal jabbering of the Isis’ members is any indication of
the whole, then the organizations’ purported exclusivity is an imagined
concept.
Even the endorsements are sickening: “She’s just a cool fun girl, not unlike the rest of us.”
What do punches have to look forward to? Shopping, boozefests,
and conversations dominated by churlish giggling are the answers
gestured to by the punch book.
The document lays bare what many have suspected for so long,
that the decisions to include or exclude are marked by social conceit.
The creative accomplishments of one punch makes her “the NEXT
BIG THING and it would be a coup to have her in the club” although
she’s also “a little awkward. I thought so after the first event but
was also suayed [swayed] by her air of sophistication and fashion
sense.” Regarding another punch, a member declares, “I really want her
wardrobe and handbag collection.”
One cannot help but feel bad for the Isis. That they, unlike
their all-male counterparts, do not own a multi-million dollar mansion
makes it necessary to unwisely keep an electronic punch book.
All the same, it’s hard to put to words just how insipid the
Isis’ punch book really is. Once, to note that a club was exclusive was
to say that it had dignity, that its members were endowed with social
grace, an intangible but real quality.
Today, instead of rewarding social grace—which the punch book
unquestionably lacks—it might be suggested that the Isis is something
of an anti-meritocracy.
It’s been said that the Isis is merely an exceptionally poor
specimen of an elite, punch-based organization. We’ll never know, but
let’s hope that scrawled in other, more prestigious clubs’ punch books
is not more of the same mindless criteria, not a self-indictment like
the Isis’ giddy prose has provided.
Travis Kavulla ’06-’07 is a history concentrator affiliated with Mather House. His column appears on alternate Mondays.
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