Quick! Somebody alert the FBI, State Police, HUPD!

Well, maybe not HUPD.

A robbery has been committed. Except in this crime, it was the Jewel that did the stealing.

Last Thursday, Penn senior forward Jewel Clark swiped the Ivy League women’s basketball Player of the Year (POY) award from its rightful owner, Harvard senior forward Hana Peljto.

“I really have no idea what happened,” Harvard coach Kathy Delaney-Smith said.

You see, that trophy belongs to Peljto.

In 2002, as a sophomore, the 6’2 “Euro-four” averaged 20.1 points and 9.5 rebounds a game, and was rightfully granted the award.

Last year, Peljto won Ivy Player of the Week four times, led the league in scoring and rebounding with 21.3 points and 9.8 boards per contest, and was unanimously voted POY.

“What could Peljto have done this year to forfeit her claim to the hardware? O! How drastically must her numbers have dropped for the two-time defending Queen of the Ivy to lose her crown!” one might say.

Actually, she was never better.

She was again Player of the Week four times over this year.

She was again voted First-Team Academic All-American, only the third person in Ivy history to grab the honor twice.

She broke the 2000 career point mark, becoming only the third player in Ivy history to do so and finishing with 2109 points.

She improved her scoring average up to 23.7 per game, a mark good enough for first in the Ivy League and second in all of Division I.

Of the top eight leading scorers in the nation, seven were voted player of the year in their respective conferences.