Editorial Chair
After giving Council of Economic Advisers Chair N. Gregory Mankiw a noogie for favoring exporting American jobs, George Bush will add a new disincentive: Next time, it’s Twister with Dick Cheney and Paul Wolfowitz.
Benjamin J. Toff '05
Editorial Chair
Students will succumb to Lord of the Flies- style violence as frustration over network outages builds.
Morgan R. Grice '06
Associate Editorial Chair
Massive brawls will break out around campus as tension mounts over who has and has not “confirmed” their friendship on thefacebook.com.
Travis R. Kavulla '06
Associate Editorial Chair
Deaniacs will utter a collective “bummer, dude” after realizing that democracy isn’t nearly as cool as Howard Dean. Will America’s impassioned youth make haste for the Edwards and Kerry camps? Don’t count on it.
Margaret M. Rossman '06
Associate Editorial Chair
After being told his apology was “too late,” Conan O’Brien will mysteriously disappear, proving to all that you “don’t mess with Quebec.” This predictor will not make the requisite French joke here, for fear of her life.
Simon W. Vozick-Levinson '06
Associate Editorial Chair
On their way to see Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ on opening day next Wednesday, eager students will pregame with Cossack brand vodka. It’s like a pogrom for your stomach!
Elisabeth S. Theodore '05
Managing Editor
After being electronically “poked” by Sen. John F. Kerry, D-Mass., and Sen. John R. Edwards, D-N.C., former Vermont Gov. Howard B. Dean will poke them both back—but refuse to confirm either one as a friend.
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A Cracked Shield
