Leaving The Facebook Behind

Dartboard has been thefacebook.com-free since Sunday and, unlike that poor soul from the Independent who nearly went insane trying to quit AIM, he couldn’t be happier.

What, you might ask, would inspire Dartboard to take such a radical step? Well, it wasn’t a message flurry, and it wasn’t a “poke;” it was a good old-fashioned phone conversation with Dartboard’s best friend from home. Actually talking to a friend has a wonderful way of helping one realize things. You see, Dartboard’s friend attends University of Virginia, where thefacebook craze was substantially more muted—and where people are substantially more cool.

Dartboard had resisted being sucked into the electronic morass of social awkwardness and procrastination that Zuckerberg hath wrought, and thus he had a level-headed perspective on the issue that many here lack. Once you get sucked into thefacebook, one creates rationalizations for prolonging its use. In this case, an outsider’s perspective has shone light on a topic that has a blind sense of school pride attached to it.

While Dartboard’s friend made other jabs at that most famous of electronic social networks, his best point was when he noted the total impossibility of displaying the worth of a friendship over thefacebook. Most of Dartboard’s best and closest friends from home are not on thefacebook, and Dartboard finally realized that if those friendships were not displayed on his profile, were not counted in his social net, and would never result in snippy comments on Dartboard’s “wall,” then the whole thing really was pointless.

The reaction of many here to Dartboard’s decision to quit has reassured Dartboard that he made the right choice. Although their remarks of “Oh man, now I have one less friend!” and “Oh well you’re not my real friend anymore either” were made in jest, there was just enough truth behind them to show why thefacebook is so messed up. While Dartboard is often a voice in the dark, he hopes that on this issue he will be joined by many others.

—MARK A. ADOMANIS

Facebook Member For Life

Dartboard has no qualms letting the world know that she loves thefacebook.com. And her reasons are plenty. Sure, she loves that she can silently stalk those around her without worry that she might be doomed to humiliation if caught. Of course, she’s delighted herself endlessly, perusing people’s ridiculous picture choices, chuckling over inane “Favorites” and generally making fun of people in ways that are less-than-savory. But, there are more substantive reasons.

No, it’s not because Dartboard would rather deal with social situations in a way that allows her to evade traditional in-person communication. Dartboard is certainly no queen of extroversion, but she does enjoy removing herself from behind the screen every now and then. Dartboard’s true delights from thefacebook have come from times when she’s suddenly been befriended by someone entirely unexpectedly. While many of Dartboard’s friends from home are absent from “Her Friends,” many of them are on thefacebook at their respective schools—and many have looked her up. This electronic stockpile of online-profiling has presented her with the opportunity to reconnect with many of those she thought long since forgot her.

Dartboard recently received a message from an old high school friend now attending Auburn University. Where is Auburn, you ask? Well, Dartboard couldn’t remember either. It happens to be in an oft-overlooked state called Alabama, home to, well, Dartboard’s not quite sure. But, that’s beside the point. Dartboard was truly elated to find that not only was she remembered, but that she got a small glimpse into what’s going on in the life of someone that was once important to her. Dartboard isn’t saying that she’ll witness the rebirth of a former friendship, but the merit is still there. And she’s staying on thefacebook for good.

—MORGAN R. GRICE